A Fine Frenzy

So at work I typically turn on Pandora to play quietly in the background. The music helps me to focus on what it is I'm trying to do. Well it usually does anyway. So as part of Pandora you can share stations with friends and my good friend Beth created one based on the group A Fine Frenzy which I had never heard of before but whom I enjoy now. So I'll listen to them from time to time. I don't know why they came to mind, but their name just struck me as a good way to explain my life right now.

My life currently consists of a fine frenzy of events. I feel like I'm being pulled in twenty million different directions, some of which I can control and others that I cannot. I feel very emotionally bogged down. Lately I can't seem to find a happy medium of just that, being happy. I've got a lot going on that keeps my mind very occupied.

Everything from trying to figure out the secret to getting more people interested in spending a year doing voluntary services, to preparing myself mentally and physically to travel to Nigeria. I'm also struggling with how to have meaningful friendships with people who seem to want more than I am capable of giving them but who I do want to be friends with. It's not something that I'm used to dealing with.

I find myself day dreaming of the day when I can have my own place. It will be a bright and airy space, full of natural light during the day and energy efficient lighting during the evenings. A place where everyone is welcome, to come and visit and stay a day, or two or twenty. These are the things that you realize when living in community. I just said the other day that I was surprised at the great community that I found here and now I think that I take it for granted. It's hard sometimes to find a balance of being together in this house that sometimes seems like a sorority house (six girls living together), or retirement community (it's often that we all pull out the mind sharpening games and knitting/crocheting), or summer camp (gotta love those crazy fun games).

Life as I know it is crazy or mad, but it all is wonderful and I wouldn't trade these years for anything. It's hard to keep that in mind all the time, when things might not be going as well as maybe I think they should. But I also don't believe that things that are worth having come easy.