Me Time

So those of you who see me everyday are more aware of this than those of you who are farther away. I haven't been myself lately. I don't know if I can pin-point why that is, or when it happened, but it has become very evident that something hasn't quite right these past few days. So I've been taking lots of me time to start making it better. It was pointed out to me by several people I'm very close with that I haven't really slowed down since June. These past few weeks I haven't had any trips to prepare for or go on, so I've had more time to just 'be.' And while that has been great my thoughts have had the time to catch up with me. Needless to say there is a lot going on in my head these days!

I was able to take a couple days off from work so that I could do nothing. I had no idea what to do with myself. So I did laundry. The monotonous job can really do wonders sometimes! Laundry and dishes are really soothing to me these days. During those two days and the monotonous work I was able to do a lot of thinking things through which was really good for me.

I am doing better now and at least from my perspective I think I'm becoming the normal 'me' again, whoever that might be. I'm able to laugh with my friends and have a good time. I haven't been able to do that for awhile. Now it seems I can't stop! The other night we were all invited to dinner at a friend's house and Beth, Meghan and I played Dutch Blitz...well, kind of. We started out playing the actual card game and then before long a new game emerged. The rules of the new version were simple: throw all the cards at one another and see what happens! We were all laughing so hard and we couldn't stop! It was amazing. We all laughed the deep belly laugh that doesn't always come out.

My strange mood could be partly due to many things. The colder weather settling in all around us, the time change making it dark by the time we get home, the upcoming holiday season and wishing it was here now. Who knows. But I do know that I am doing better. And that makes me happy. This most recent change gives me something to hold on to.

Here's something I wrote several years ago. I think it's quite fitting for this stage of my life too.

"Even through the darkness there is light around the corner just waiting to be seen...it's just a matter of finding it and feeling it's warm glow upon your heart."

I'm getting closer to that light. I'm feeling warmer every day. It's a wonderful feeling. But at the same time I won't forget what I've gone through because I need to process it and learn from it. And that's what I intend to do.