Along the Way - A Journey

Crazy Random Happenstance(s)

2011-07-30T17:37:00.003-05:00

What a week it has been.

First I drove out to Minnesota for a short trip to be with my dad's side of the family after the passing of his mother. It was an emotionally draining three day weekend with a seven hour drive at the beginning and end of it. But, as usually is the case in these kind of situations, it was good to see family. Including my parents.

It was on the way back that things started going downhill. I got back to Chicago in good time on Sunday and my super awesome roommate, Amber, had ordered Thai for us to have for dinner while we caught up. I was so focused on getting out of the car and being done with my drive that I left one of my overnight bags in the middle of the street. And had no idea I had left it there until several hours later. Normally it wouldn't have been such a big deal, just a few clothes, but my camera was in the bag. With the memory card containing my photos from my recent trip to Haiti. This was what hurt me the most. I mean sure, I was a bit bummed to lose the clothes and other items that were in there (some of which I can't even remember) but it was the memories that those photos contained . Luckily, just the day before I had a few minutes to post a few photos onto my Facebook account, so they are present there. And I know that my friends from the trip will gladly share their photos with me.

I did end up posting a few signs right on my street just in case one of the neighbors had happened to pick it up, but I wasn't counting on that. I just wanted to be a bit proactive in trying to find out what might have happened to my bag. I also called the police and filed a report. And I talked to one of my neighbors and had a really good conversation with them that involved a few tears on my part and lots of soothing words from Carmen and Dirk. I really appreciated the conversation.

Then on Monday two things happened. First, my car door broke. And I about flipped out. I mean, common, really? On top of everything else, now I have to fix my car door too? On the bright side, at least I could still shut it so I could drive home. It just made things a bit complicated. But then the second thing happened. I got a call from a woman down the street who saw my sign and said she thought she saw my bag out behind the dumpster that goes along with her apartment building. I actually couldn't believe that I heard something from anyone. And so when I got home, I left everything in my car and went down the ally, which, mind you, is the one behind my own apartment building, and sure enough I looked into the dumpster, and there was my bag along with several of the lost items. Yay for having nice neighbors who pay attention to signs and strange things in their neighborhood.

Of course there was no camera, but at least the mystery was solved. My bag was stolen off the street. Taken half way down my own ally and gone through. Things of supposed value were taken. The rest was left behind. It's a crazy world out there.

And as for my car door. I am lucky to have a good friend here in the city who was willing to look at it and he was ultimately able to fix it. Thank goodness for him!

Now, in case you're wondering the whole week wasn't a total wash. And I have to remind myself of this. I had several great conversations with a couple of my best friends. I was able to get out and play tennis one night; beach volleyball out on Lake Michigan another night; and then the summer ultimate league I ended up playing for won their league championship game. Go Albino Death Wheel (aka: Fuzzy Bunnies).

Whew. Now if that is not a rather crazy random week, well, I don't know what is. And hopefully things will calm down next week. Or, hopefully at least I won't be as forgetful as I have been this week. I think that's all I can ask for.

Significant Event

2011-07-18T22:35:00.004-05:00

So here I am back in the blog-0-sphere attempting to start again with writing down some of my experiences and thoughts. It seems the trend is that when something significant happens in my life I feel the urge to sit down on this thing and see what comes out. As a bit of an update, I've been working for the last nine months as a sales associate at one of the four REI's here in Chicago and for the last six months as a nanny to a super cute two year old named Harper. It actually has worked out really well because I need both jobs to get by and my nannying job is so flexible that it works in around my ever changing work schedule at REI.

Now on to the significant event. I just returned from a week in Haiti. And I realized a few things.

1. Working in retail is not exactly rewarding work. At least it's not for me forever.

Now don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with working in retail. I have actually really enjoyed my time so far with REI. And as far as retail goes, I'm glad that it is with REI. I enjoy helping people prepare to do cool things like hike the Grand Canyon, or travel to Kenya and many other cool destinations. For several months now I've been thinking of a bit of a time line for myself. Enjoy my summer travels that I had and have planned, work as much as I can when I'm here and then come fall start looking again at job possibilities. And in order to look for jobs I need to figure out what direction I want my life to take (and that's a story for another time).

2. At some point in the future I would really like to adopt if possible.

For awhile now I have had the thought process that I can't justify bringing another child into this world when there are so many children who need a loving home. On my recent trip to Haiti I was able to visit an orphanage and the children there simply melted my heart. And one of the guys on this trip with me has a little girl that he and his family adopted from Haiti (this was how we ended up at this particular orphanage). I will say that there was one good outcome of the earthquake that hit Port au Prince in January of 2011, it expedited the adoption process of many children from Haiti who otherwise would still be waiting clearance to come to the United States.

So that's it for now. More to come soon.

Up North

2010-09-08T13:24:00.002-05:00

I can now say that I've been to northern Wisconsin. I can also say that I really REALLY want to go camping. I've been invited to go up north to Eagle River Wisconsin now for about three years and this past weekend I finally made it. It was a relaxing weekend full of rest and good food. And bald eagle sightings. And a lone wolf making it's way across our path. And good use of pie irons. And starry nights. And campfires. And relaxing boat rides. And photography. And good company. Though the distance was far (about seven hours in the car each way) the trip was totally worth it! And I hope to make it back up to Eagle River sometime soon!

3 AM

2010-08-27T03:10:00.002-05:00

It's three am on a Friday morning and I have found myself sitting here at the computer in my apartment which is a bit more empty in some ways and busier in others. My dad has been out here with me for a few days visiting here in Chicago as well as taking a mini road trip out to the Twin Cities of Minnesota.

And he just started making his drive back home to Virginia. At three in the morning! So things are a bit quite around these here parts now.

But somewhere there is a cat prowling around. Or maybe he's sleeping. But he's keeping his eye out! As of yesterday I became a foster mom to Festy, a two year old cat that belongs to a good friend of mine. And though he's not entirely sure what's going on (and neither am I for that matter), hopefully soon he'll settle into the new place.

Well, hopefully we both will!

It's Official...

2010-08-09T23:28:00.002-05:00

It's official...as of today I'm no longer a volunteer. Three years ago I moved to Elgin from Bridgewater. And about three weeks ago I started moving from Elgin into my new apartment in Chicago. So now I find myself in uncharted territory. No clear path laid out for me. No one to say 'hey Sharon, you should do this!'

The only thing that I know is that I'll be living (well, am living in Chicago since I moved all my stuff out here a week ago) in Chicago on the north side with a good friend of mine. Beyond that, I'm not entirely sure. I'm looking for work. I hope to get involved with some of the Ultimate Frisbee that Chicago has to offer, whether it's through more pick up or league play. Experiencing city life through biking along the lake front, attending a Broadway musical or two (once I have a steady income of course). And simply experiencing city life.

Today was a bitter sweet day to say the least. Saying goodbye to a great community of colleagues and friends at the Church of the Brethren offices. Starting a new part of my adventure, my journey. Wondering how I will be able to continue connecting with a denomination that I love and continue to find my voice and figure out who I am and who I want to be.

And so a new chapter begins on this journey of mine. And here we go

Engaged in Conversation

2010-05-19T22:07:00.004-05:00

Today I was able to spend a little bit of time connecting with a gentlemen at work. What started out as an intentional 'work' related meeting turned into a great conversation. After we got through the so called business, our conversation moved from personal experiences and what's coming up in the future to what we intentionally chose to have surrounding us in our own spaces to community life and relationships we have with one another. It was a really positive experience and an hour well spent I would say. There is so much to be gained by taking the time to connect with one another face to face whenever we possibly can.

I find that with my work so much of it revolves around conversation. And getting to know one another and what we like and don't like, and who we are as individuals and in relationship with one another. It's so important to take that time and to not be in a hurry to rush off to get something else done. But to really engage with one another.

I feel like I am constantly coming back to this idea. And it's interesting because I have discovered that while I am a very relational person I don't particular care to be around a lot of people at once. I prefer to talk with folks one on one and I can be fully engaged and responsive. When I am in a group of people I find that I typically sit back and let the conversation happen around me. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm not paying attention, it's just what I've learned to do. I enjoy listening to other people's thoughts and ideas and if I have something to add then I will, but typically I'm simply a presence without a lot to say.

My somewhat limited international travel has taught me some of this. To not focus on the work at hand, but to take the time to sit down and talk and discuss and learn and grow. You don't simply approach someone and ask them for a cup of sugar or an egg or for the latest report. But you take the time to ask how they are. How their family is. And their work. And then, maybe, you ask for that thing you initially came searching for.

In many ways this is our work, or at least maybe it should be. To show interest through, and to be engaged in conversation, is a way that we all have something in common with one another. The ability to show compassion and caring and love, and that ultimately we are all the same. To find common ground and then build on it. To be able to talk with one another and be open is the beginnings to...well, to almost everything.

Being Intentional

2010-05-05T20:20:00.004-05:00

So my writing this year hasn't been the great. In fact, it has been almost non-existent! I don't know if it will change, but I'm going to try a bit harder to be more intentional about writing.

I find myself referring to many things that I hope to do as 'intentional.' I don't know why or when this shift has changed. But I find myself saying things like "when I live in the city I hope to be more intentional about..." this or the other thing. You know, like not eating out as much, buying my groceries more locally, being more aware of how to live a green lifestyle, walking or taking public transportation as much as possible and finding work so that is possible. The list could go on and on.

I think this is one thing being in BVS has showed/taught me. By being introduced to people who care about being intentional with one another, with the world, with life, with creation. All those individuals played a part in shaping the person I am now, and the person I want to be when I'm not longer officially a volunteer. So I am hoping to take this with me and introduce others to this way of living as well. Including my future roommate! It will be an adventure to see how our lives connect and how we are able to push and encourage one another in the different lives we've been leading. But I'm looking forward to living intentionally with one other person, who happens to be a good friend of mine. And to set up shop in the city of Chicago. It's gonna be a good time. :)

Story

2010-03-28T16:38:00.004-05:00

The story of our lives, particularly my own, has been on my mind as of late. The other week we were at a BVS retreat and spent a day talking about call and vocation and where we see ourselves down the road. For the first time we looked at this idea in terms of our lives as a story.

Who is the main character of the story of your life? Is it you? Is is someone else? Are you in a supportive role in this story? Is there a plot to your story? And what is the main conflict in your life?

So what do you think? I know that my story is still being developed. The plots written and maybe written again. But what about your story? If someone would make a movie out of your life right now, what would it be about? What is the conflict? The climax? The outcome? What does your life say about you?

Chicago on the Horizon

2010-03-25T18:41:00.002-05:00

I flew back to Chicago bright and early this morning, leaving the safety of the valley behind on a small regional airplane. My time at home was chaotic and short. There's just not enough time to do everything and see everyone when you visit the place where you grew up, and went to college, and your entire family lives. And on top of that trying to get some work done! But this is exactly what happens every time I go home and it always seems to work out!

This morning as I was flying back I saw the two gentlemen who were sitting in front of me on my flight into Chicago turn and glance out of the window looking behind us. And so of course me being the curious person that I am I turned myself to look. And there it was: the Chicago skyline that I have come to love so much.

Chicago is on the horizon in more than one way. This summer my plan is to move into the city, specifically the north side, and live with a close friend of mine and find work and continue to explore this great world that we live in. Very little is certain but I feel as though this is the right place for me to be. I've been having lots of great conversations with folks that revolve around this time of exploring that I'm in, and while they haven't always been easy, they've been helpful in one way or another. Conversations to help guide me on my journey.

So yes, Chicago is on the horizon and I'm looking forward to what it brings.

The Open Road

2010-02-27T22:56:00.002-06:00

So I'm on this trip. And it's a driving trip. One where I get to listen to all sorts of fun music and sing at the top of my lungs as I drive from place to place. Visiting with all sorts of amazing folks and promoting an organization that I think is one of the best things out there.

But while I'm in the car singing along to all these fabulous songs I am constantly thinking of other people. This is because much of the music that I listen to has been recommended to me, or given to me, or I first heard it at a specific time in my life. So on the first leg of my trip I listened to music and I thought about friends from college and from living at the BVS house. I thought about when my grandfather passed away, to the girls who lived on the same hall as I did my freshman year. I thought about several of the most amazing women that I know, who also happen to be some of my very closest friends. I was reminded of my travels through Europe and Nigeria and throughout the states.

I could go on and on. But the point is that to me, each of these songs that I listen to...it means something. These songs are connections to various aspects of my life. Of the journey I'm on. Where I've been and where I am presently. I am so thankful for these songs as reminders of the events of my life. And whenever I hear a song that reminds me of a certain person or place or time, I find myself thinking about that person or place and by being in thought of them, it is as though I'm lifting up a prayer for them.

Music has a way of connecting all of us all the time. And for that I am incredibly thankful.

On Holiday

2010-02-11T20:43:00.004-06:00

Sometime or another last fall I told myself that I should go on a vacation. And for one of the first times in my life that I can think of, I was finding myself drawn to the coast for a time of rest and relaxation. I called up my dear friends Jim and Alice, whom I had met a year ago this time on my trip to Nigeria, and asked them if I could come and visit. And well, long story short here I am. In Sarasota, Florida.

Now while it might be a tad bit cold down here, mid 50's, it definitely beats the snowy weather and negative wind chill that is in Illinois this time of year!

And so far, my time away is going well!

Being Inspired

2010-01-10T20:55:00.007-06:00

This past week it was my turn to lead chapel at the office. It's kind of neat because each week, on Wednesday, chapel is led by a different staff person at the office and there are no guidelines. At least none that I know of! And everyone takes a different approach and can use their own gifts and talents.

So Monday night came and I found myself completely uninspired. Oddly enough, while I might not have been inspired, I was motivated. I wondered to myself, how is it that I am supposed to get put together a 15 minute time of devotion and prayer when there is very little to inspire me at this moment. At least nothing that I was coming up with. I tossed around ideas of focusing on the contrast of light and dark and showing some of my photos that portray this contrast, or playing the song "True Colors" and diving a little bit deeper than that. But nothing was really pulling me strongly in one direction. And, as I think happens to the best of us, I was coming up with ideas and then needing to go in search of scripture, rather than having a text to form the rest of the idea around.

Then after looking up the text of the day on textweek.com I found a scripture that spoke to me. One that resonated with me. One where I could use photos to back up the idea I was hoping to get across. Using excerpts from Isaiah 60:1-5, and photos and music, I created a meditative slide show to create a space where my colleagues could come and rest and relax and listen to the spirit moving in their own lives.It was a place where I could use my gift of photography to inspire others in a time where I was struggling with finding my own inspiration.

Photography is something that I greatly enjoy. I was one asked by a close friend if there was anything that I do that I can get lost in. I think about this question often and I always come back to photography. To seeing things in a different light. From a different angle. And then capturing that moment. And then being inspired by it. As it turns out, though it took me awhile to get there, I was able to inspire others using what inspires me.

Hoarfrost

2009-12-25T10:49:00.006-06:00

We don't see it very often. I'm not sure that I've ever even seen it myself. I think the only time I've really heard much about it was when I was younger reading the Little House on the Prairie series. It seems to me that it came up a few times then!

Yesterday I was out driving through the countryside with my dad and a friend and all the trees were covered in a white substance and I couldn't remember there being any freezing rain to fall the night before that would have covered the trees with anything. Then my dad said he thought it was hoarfrost, something he'd never seen before. It happens when white ice crystals are loosely deposited on the ground or exposed objects, and these crystals form on cold clear nights when heat losses into the open skies cause objects to become colder than the surrounding air. It's absolutely beautiful to see! Breathtaking actually. Luckily I had my camera with me.

Go Sally Go!

2009-12-10T21:23:00.005-06:00

This week we got, oh I don't know, maybe four inches of snow, before the temperatures plummeted into the single digits. Which of course was accompanied by high winds, with a wind chill of negative 20 or so. It's hard to say really. Anyways. I've got Sally out here with me these days and, well, this was a hard first round for her. She just isn't used to these cold temperatures. Virginia can get cold, but it's fairly mild, especially when compared to this!

Tonight I needed to take her out and I knew it would be a bit of a challenge, but goodness it took me a good thirty minutes to scrape all the ice off and to dig through the snow so she could actually get somewhere. Luckily for me, one of my housemates, Cheryl, came to my rescue and she was such a huge help! It probably would have taken me at least fifteen more minutes if she hadn't come out and helped me out! I should have known it was going to be a bit of a task when I tried to open the door and it was frozen shut on that side! I had to get in on the other side and crawl across. Not the easiest thing to do, and also not the first time I've had to do it!

Slowly but surely we made progress and finally Sally was able to beat the weather. And now she's resting safely in the garage. But just to be on the safe side, here in the next few days, I think I'm gonna take her in and have her checked out. It's best not to tell her, she doesn't like heights.

More Weekends Like This

2009-12-06T22:50:00.003-06:00

I have decided that I need more weekends like this one in my life.

Friday spent with one of my closest friends in the city. Sitting. Laughing. Talking. All over pizza and a movie in the comfort of her home. Knowing that I'm welcome there anytime.

Saturday spent sleeping in. Lounging around. Venturing downtown to the Field Museum with another friend that lives in the city. Having a carefree afternoon. Getting all dressed up for a friend's birthday party. Going and relaxing and letting go and being myself. No stresses. Just plain ol' good fun.

Sunday spend sleeping in (again!). Relaxing. Being in no hurry whatsoever. Having no agenda. Nothing planned. Just being and doing.

Yep. A girl could use more weekends like this one.

But then again, if every weekend was like this, then it wouldn't be so special when it does happen. Or would it?

Cooking!

2009-12-03T18:51:00.002-06:00

Tonight I prepared my first meal in my newly set up kitchen! It was a bit hard to get started when I first got home, but once I got going it was a ton of fun! I cooked up a bit of pasta with pesto. And then sauteed mushrooms in garlic and olive oil and added a few diced tomatoes. Throw those together and top it all off with a bit of Parmesan cheese and voila! A fabulous dinner! One of the best parts was I think I ended up cooking more mushrooms than pasta! Which might not seem quite right, but for me it was perfect!

Give Thanks

2009-11-30T19:55:00.004-06:00

This year for Thanksgiving I did things a little different. For starters I didn't go anywhere. I decided to stay here in Elgin to celebrate the holiday with those I have met who have become my family. When I first moved out here in the fall of 2007 I was adopted by a family at the Highland Avenue CoB, and over the past several years we have enjoyed spending time together and getting to know each other, and they truly have become a second family to me. I enjoy every opportunity I have to spend time with the Chapman's. So this year in deciding to stay around for the holiday, I knew I had a family to spend it with. As it turns out, I was also invited to the Shively home as well to celebrate the day with them. So I had not one, but two full meals in one day. AND, a friend from back east was passing through town on Thanksgiving, so he was also more than welcome to join me at both places.

So then this morning I was talking with one of our project directors for Brethren Volunteer Service and Thanksgiving came up as it tends to do this time of year. We were exchanging greetings and asking how the holiday went. And he was telling me how he realized this year just how important the relationships we have with one another are, especially during a holiday such as Thanksgiving. And I got to thinking about it and I agree. I mean everyone talks about the food, but there is so much more to the holidays than what you're eating. This may seem obvious, but it's important to actually connect the dots, even on a picture that seems obvious without the lines.

So this is me being thankful for the many relationships that I've been blessed with over the years. And for the relationships that I'm blessed with now.

Sunny Side of Life

2009-11-16T14:15:00.003-06:00

Let's face it. I'm an emotional person. And when I haven't seen the sun for a few days, watch out! But then when the sun comes back out again, things become more even keel. Especially when I can actually enjoy the sun's warmth while being out doors.

This fall I feel as though we've been so incredibly lucky. I mean here it is, the middle of November, and I am still able to be outside (well when I'm not working at the office) in short sleeves and enjoy the beautiful blue skies and the warm sun. And I just absolutely love it. Yesterday I drove from Virginia to Pennsylvania and it was a gorgeous drive. Blue skies with whisps of white clouds strewn across it. Brilliant reds and yellows and oranges scattered along the road sides in the trees. While the peak of fall may be gone, there are definitely still remains left to appreciate and enjoy.

This weather is also helping me to have a more positive outlook on life. It's like the song says: "keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side. keep on the sunny side of life!" It's definitely not an easy thing to do. Sometimes it's easier to focus on the negative things in life, but I'm trying to keep on the sunny side as an intentional effort.

It definitely helps.

Taking a Mini-Vacation of Sorts

2009-11-11T22:24:00.003-06:00

I was asked the other day what are things that help me to relax and allow me to take a mini-vacation without actually going anywhere. Things that initially came to mind were active things, such as playing Ultimate Frisbee, running, and walking.

Then it struck me that being in nature is how I escape and take a load off for a few hours is what, in many ways, revitalizes me. Whether it's walking along a river, hiking through a wooded area, watching the sunset, going to a forest preserve, picking apples, or whatever. I haven't been able to spend much time out and about in nature these days. And I think it's taking it's toll on me and my sanity level.

One of my closest friends asked me if there are things that I do that I get lost in. I think this has come up before. But playing Ultimate Frisbee is definitely one of those things. If I just let myself go and have a good time and focus on the game and simply being in the moment, it's just awesome. And it's a good feeling to let everything else go for a few hours. Another thing is photography. I absolutely love taking photos. Often times even when I don't even have my camera, I look at something and wonder how I could possibly capture it. I want, and in many ways need, to get back into photography.

I'm beginning to realize that it's good, and healthy, to find those things in life that allow us to take care of ourselves, of our mind, body and spirit. If we're not taking the time to replenish ourselves then how is it that we can be expected to give give give. It can turn into a vicious cycle if we're not careful. This was inspired by my friend Aaron who asked us to be intentionally aware of how we are taking care of ourselves. And I really appreciate that and am incredibly thankful for the reminder!

Seeking the Ever Present Joy

2009-11-11T22:09:00.005-06:00

So I've got a personal goal. To seek joy in this life that I have surrounding me. I've had a bit of a negative outlook on life for, well awhile now, but it's been much more serious and obvious the last week or so. I have found myself laughing jubilantly one second and breaking down in tears the next. It's not that anything has really been wrong, it is more that nothing has seemed right. My outlook on life had been turned upside down and I'm attempting to make an intentional effort to right it. To change my perspective; my attitude.

There are so many positive things in life, specifically in my life. But lately I've found myself focusing on the many unanswered questions and missing what is not in front of me, rather than rejoicing in what is. It's been exhausting and I'm ready to move forward in a more positive light. So here it goes. Wish me luck!

What Do You Do When...

2009-11-04T23:03:00.004-06:00

What do you do when you're mind is running at a million thoughts a second? When you know you have a lot on your mind, yet none of your thoughts can completely form themselves? When you find yourself paralyzed by the amount of work, by things looming ahead. You have extreme ups and downs as you go about your day; your everyday activities. There's really nothing wrong, yet there's really nothing right. There are too many obstacles in the way. It's hard to focus on one thing, one task. You want someone to ask 'how are you doing?' And you want to reply honestly. Yet when the question is asked nothing comes to mind, other than 'good' or 'pretty good' or 'I'm fine thanks'. How do you get out the anxiety that is inside of you? The unrest. The unanswered. The unknown. The doubts. The fears. The joys. The excitements. The happiness. It could, and would, take hours of conversation for it all to come out naturally and truthfully, but, who has time for that?

So the question is...what do you do?

If Not Now, Then When

2009-11-01T19:50:00.007-06:00

What happens when you combine text from Mark 12:41-44, BVS and service and a focus on embracing your gifts? Well this is whatcha get!

If Not Now, Then When?

In September of 2007, Jon Zunkel entered into BSV Unit 277 with the hope of making the world a better place. He quickly realized that no matter how much you give, you receive more back than you could ever imagine. Jon shares this experience with us:

Our orientation unit spent our last week in Kansas City. One afternoon we set out on what was called Operation Knock-Knock. We divided into groups of three and set out into an inner-city neighborhood. We were to knock on doors and offer to help the owner in any way we could: clean up the yard, vacuum, do dishes, or any form of service. All 31 of us volunteers donned our purple BVS shirts and out we went.

Our group had a hard time finding someone for whom we could serve. We were walking down the street and a lady standing at her car yelled across to us, “What’s those purple shirts about?” We stopped and told her about BVS and Operation Knock-Knock. She told us about her life. She had just gone through a series of heartbreaking events: she was a single mother raising three kids, one of whom was just diagnosed with sickle cell anemia; her house had been broken into three times in the last year; she had just lost her job; AND she was just about to move. After telling us about her hardships she asks us where we are staying. We tell her and she says, “I’ll be by with some drinks for all of you.” We protested, but she insists. We ask if we can do anything for her. She says she is doing fine, but thank you. We thank her for talking with us and we head on our way.

Two nights later there is a knock on the door and our orientation leader returns carrying four bags of groceries. The lady from our conversation followed through with her promise. In the bags we found drinks, chips, cookies, bread and lunch meat. Our friend, who we tried to serve, wanted to send us off. She wanted no recognition, she did not come in to meet the three of us again or the group at large. She just wanted to show her support.

I learned a powerful lesson that day—one that I hope stays with me for a long time. Life is not about serving people or trying to make peoples lives better. Life is about working with people. So we all can grow and make the world a better place together.

That’s really what it’s all about. Doing what you can. Giving all you can. Not focusing on what you don’t have, but on what you do. And being willing to give of what you have. This woman that Jon met that day is much like the woman from the passage in Mark. A woman who is, in many ways, an average everyday person, much like Jon and the many other volunteers who have come through Brethren Volunteer Service. Much like each and every one of us gathered here today. We are not super heroes, we don’t have supernatural powers, but we do have something to offer, in fact, we have a lot to offer if we let ourselves.

In The Message, Eugene Peterson tells the story from Mark in this way:

Sitting across from the offering box, he was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection. Many of the rich were making large contributions. One poor widow came up and put in two small coins—a measly two cents. Jesus called his disciples over and said, "The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection than all the others put together. All the others gave what they'll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford—she gave her all."

When I think about this passage I imagine a woman walking through a busy and crowded temple, towards the offering plate quietly and slowly. I don’t believe that she was in any hurry and I can’t imagine that she thought anyone could possibly be watching her. Paying any attention to her whatsoever. It could be that she didn’t want to be noticed; didn’t feel she was worth anything since she was a widow. Despite this possible feeling of unworthiness, she gave of herself willingly and completely. She knew that the Lord would provide, and so she acted upon that knowledge. Jesus was watching, observing what was going on in the temple. He saw this woman and immediately made her an example for the Disciples.

In the same way that Jesus was observing the widow, and was able to recognize the gift, she had to offer, through her example; we also have the ability to recognize gifts in one another. I was also in that fall unit in Kansas City and one Sunday morning I went with a group of volunteers to a nearby church for worship. We were welcomed warmly into the church that morning. Although the sanctuary itself was fairly large, it was a small group gathered there that morning, but that didn’t matter. Those who were gathered there that morning were being spiritually fed, and it was an amazing thing to be part of. There was excitement and joy and laughter and it was clear that Christ was present with us that morning. I remember clearly the point when the worship leader asked if there was anyone in the congregation who could play the piano and one of the guys in our group said immediately, ‘Ashley can!’ And so that morning, Ashley, one of our fellow volunteers, played all the hymns and special music. We knew that Ashley had the gift of music and in this case there was a need and so she was called forth to use her gift. Take a moment to look around you. To the person on your left; the person on your right. What gifts do you see in them? Maybe what you see is a gift that they are aware of, but maybe it’s something they had never thought of before. Each one of us can act as a sounding board for each other. A way to come together as a community of believers and share our gifts as one body.

It’s also important to take some time to acknowledge the gifts we have in ourselves. These past two years of service have taught me a lot about who I am as an individual as well as the gifts I have to offer. There are many things I have learned over these past few years. How to be more open and understanding and speak my mind. How to ask difficult questions and think a bit deeper about what they mean. How to be more eco-friendly and socially aware of what’s going on in the world. How to use the many resources that are around me. How to live in community with anywhere from four to eight housemates, each with very different personalities and dietary needs, using only one vehicle between us and making it work. I have learned more about myself and my gifts from the act of living as a volunteer rather than from the work I have done as a volunteer. The gift of working together when it comes to keeping things in our volunteer house running smoothly. Patience when a house meeting is called, or if someone is not keeping up with their chores. Compromise so that everyone gets to do what they need, or want, to do. What may seem like a simple run to the store may turn into an all afternoon event depending on what others in the house have going on at the same time. Being able to recognize the difference between a want and a need.

What we learn, and what our gifts are, often go hand in hand. Experience, in this case through service opportunities, and is considered by some to be out of the norm, is a time for growth. A time of personal discovery and discernment. This is extremely common for all those who spend a year or more of their lives serving. I’ve chosen two stories to share with you of exactly this, volunteers learning and growing and discovering their own gifts, and who they are, within their own projects.

Ben Bear is a second year volunteer at an intentional community house in Cincinnati, Ohio. He writes this:

This work becomes personal for me. True, there is a line that needs to be drawn so as not to get too involved. However, to make these people and situations completely a business-like affair isn't possible. For example, I realized today that one of our guests is one day younger than I am. It makes her plight seem so much more real to look at where she is and think, "That could have been me." She has five children between the ages of three and eight. Nobody wants to rent to a single mom with five kids who can't find a job in a depressed economy, but what is she supposed to do? Yesterday I went with another guest to help her move her belongings; she had been asked to leave due to non-compliance with the program. We pulled up in front of the building and she whisked away her three kids - all under the age of three - into a building that no person of any age should be asked to live in. As I helped her carry in her earthly possessions, walking through hallways littered with garbage and up stairwells reeking of urine, I wanted to imagine that this wasn't happening. You can't see things like that and remain indifferent - it's personal.

Lauren Ferrell is serving a two year term in San Pedro, Honduras and shares these words with us:

I am not looking at what I do as “work” anymore, especially the time I spend with the kids. This is my home for the time being. Something we talk a lot about in BVS is accompaniment, or simply living along side the people. This is a brilliant idea in theory, but in practice has surprisingly been one of my biggest challenges. I obviously still have a lot to learn. I constantly have the mindset of go, go, go, do, do, do and find myself getting agitated when people want to stop and talk. Imagine that. It has also been humbling to live along side the children in the home- to eat the same food, to ride with them on the school bus to my yoga class, to help in the laborious process of making tortillas for 80 kids, (or anything for 80 kids for that matter!), sharing my TV, my sun block, my nail polish remover, my toothpaste. I know it sounds selfish, but I have to admit this was hard for me at first. The irony is even though sometimes I feel like life is hard here, I have so many privileges that these kids don’t, such as living in the biggest house on the property while they sleep in dorm rooms with bunk beds, being served bigger portions of food and not having to wait in line for seconds, going out whenever I want to, sitting in an air-conditioned room to do my computer work, etc. And I know that I have a family and a home and plenty of opportunities waiting for me back in the States. There is no comparison. And, the ironic thing is, that these kids are the lucky ones. I have heard it said that Hogar Emanuel is like the Hilton of children’s homes in Honduras, and it is true. Our kids have three solid meals a day, health care, clothing, quality education, a social worker and psychologist. They go on trips, they receive birthday presents, they have parties. In short they are doing pretty good compared to the children living on the street, or in impoverished, abusive homes or even in the extremely poorly run state orphanages. It is all relative. Lesson: be grateful for what I have!

These experiences we have are avenues for our gifts to reveal themselves. The widow in the passage is noticed because she is a widow. The woman that Jon met on the street wanted to give back to these volunteers who are giving of themselves. Ashley found herself in a church that needed a pianist so she was able to offer her gift of music. Through Ben and Lauren’s experiences they are seeing a whole new side to society and culture, and by lending a hand to those in need are learning compassion and understanding. Our experiences show us our gifts and also allow us to use those gifts to make the world a better place one by one.

If we don’t use these gifts now, when will we use them? Why are we waiting to use what God has given us? Has blessed us with so freely. There is a song by Carrie Newcomer, a Quaker folk song artist, called If Not Now. These words are so incredibly simple, yet have so much to teach us. Hear her words and meditate upon them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7lFBZasjsQ

The time is now. Size does not matter; amount, level, degree. It’s the way that we give of ourselves. The mindset that we’re in. In the case of the widow, Jesus is pointing out to us that this woman, this widow, came forward to offer everything she had in this world. What would it mean for each of us, to offer all that we have for the glory of God and our neighbor’s good? What would it take for you to sit down and take a minute to write down five gifts that you feel you have? What would it mean to ask a trusted friend to take a minute to write down five gifts that THEY believe you have? Do these gifts coincide with one another? Or are they completely different? Now that you have recognized these gifts, what will you do with them? Will you be like the widow and give completely and willingly of what you have? Or will you be like the others in the temple and give what you will never miss? What are we, as followers of Christ, holding back and keeping for ourselves? What are you waiting for? If not now, then when?

The View from My Car

2009-10-31T23:04:00.004-05:00

Tonight I was driving along in my car and I saw many things that made it a fabulous evening for a drive:

driving west while the sun is setting causes for more than an hour of beautiful colors swirling together in the sky, a straight row of five weeping willows whose leaves have turned a rich shade of yellow, fires burning and smoke billowing creating a much missed smell of fall, crossing bridges over the Illinois River and seeing barges putt through the dark waters, the brown corn stalks standing straight and tall while lining the roads, the majestic and somewhat surreal windmills as the giant blades turned in the evening air

This is My Home

2009-10-31T09:44:00.004-05:00

At Highland Avenue we have had two coffee houses this fall featuring several folk artists in the area. Both evenings this song was sung and it's just beautiful. It was written by Dave Carter and he refers to it as an eco-spirituality number. I was sitting in my office yesterday at work and this song just popped into my head and now I can't stop listening to it!! So I thought I'd share. Enjoy!

ARTIST: Dave Carter
TITLE: Gentle Arms of Eden

On a sleepy endless ocean
When the world lay in a dream
There was rhythm in the splash and roll
But not a voice to sing
But the moon fell on the breakers
And the morning warmed the waves
'Til a single cell did jump and hum
For joy as though to say

{Refrain}
This is my home
This is my only home
This is the only sacred ground that I have ever known
And should I stray
In the dark night alone
Rock me Goddess in the gentle arms of Eden

Then the one shone bright and rounder
'Til the one turned into two
And the two into ten thousand things
And old things into new
And on some virgin beach head
One lonesome critter crawled
And he looked about and shouted out
In his most astonished drawl

{Refrain}

Then all the sky was hummin'
And the ground was carpet green
And the wary children of the woods
Went dancin' in between
And the people sang rejoicing
When the fields were glad with grain
This song of celebration 
From their cities on the plain

{Refrain}

Now there's smoke across the harbor
And there's factories on the shore
And the world is ill with greed and will
And enterprise of war
But I will lay my burdens
In the cradle of your grace
And the shining beaches of your love
And the sea of your embrace

This is my home
This in my only home

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAGMATHlSK4&feature=related

Can Someone Say Sardines?!

2009-10-31T00:17:00.005-05:00

So tonight I hosted our youth group from Highland Avenue at the house for a Halloween Party. It was to be a pretty simple evening of sugar cookie decorating and devouring and Halloween-esque movie watching. Well, we did consume LOTS of sugar cookies. And candy corn. And candy pumpkins. And brownies. And popcorn (I mean we had to have a little bit of salt to offset the massive amounts of sugar). And we did end up watching a movie, but it was one that was showing on TV. And that was fine with everyone. The unexpected thing was that mixed in with the food eating and movie watching was, oh, about two hours of sardines.

Now for those of you who aren't familiar with sardines it's a form of hide and go seek where one person hides and everyone else goes and finds them but when they do find them, they hide with them. It's a great game to play in a space where there are lots of dark corners and hiding places. Did I mention that it is best played in the dark? So you turn off all the lights in the building.

And just for the record, the BVS House is a fabulous place for this game. For many reasons actually. One being that we have a basement AND an attic. Both equally creepy! It's possible to circle through the whole house without being seen. Being heard is an entirely different thing because this house is OLD so it creaks and groans a lot! But it's an awesome place to play this game and the youth had a great time with it. And I'm not gonna lie, I did too! It was funny to hear the shrieks of terror as someone accidentally (or intentionally) ran into someone in the dark or a cobweb, and to hear the giggling commence as people ran into walls or people's arms or legs. I'll be the first to admit that I was right there with them, I had my share of yelling and giggling!

It was a fabulous night all around! And now I'm not quite as scared of the basement as I was before!

Apple-licious Memories

2009-10-26T11:11:00.003-05:00

I love the fall season for many reasons, but in this particular case it's because there are tons of apples available. You can go apple picking and then make all sorts of apple-licious things! Now, I can't say that I myself have gone apple picking this fall, but I have at least thought about it! And I ended up receiving a bag full of apples that someone else had the joy of picking.

So I had these apples and wasn't quite sure what I was going to do with them. But then I realized that I had a hankering for some baked apples. This is probably because a good friend of mine had made me baked apples a few weeks before and I wanted to try my hand at it! And that's what I did.

It was my night to make dinner and it was a meal that shouldn't have taken too terribly long, but because I decided to try this new dish, it added a bit of time. So to begin I needed to peel and core the apples. I didn't think too much of this task until I started coring the apples. I cheated a bit and cut them in half first, but when I was cutting the cores out of the halves I had several flashbacks from my childhood.

From all the times I was able to help my grandparents make applesauce and apple butter in their house on Green Street. They had several apple trees out back so we would pick them and then prepare the apples and then cook them down into applesauce. I loved eating the freshly made, lightly spiced applesauce while it was still warm.

I also remembered helping my great aunt and uncle make applesauce. And it was from them that I learned the proper way to cut into an apple to get out the core and not be wasteful of the rest of the apple. I can remember watching Uncle Floyd's giant hands using a small, and very sharp, knife to cut the apples and throw them into a huge pot to cook. We would be sitting around with Aunt Kitty and we would just talk and laugh and I would try my hardest to do a good job. I was much slower than either my aunt or uncle when it came to cutting the apples and they knew how to do it so incredibly well. After all, they had years of experience while I was still learning.

These two memories have been on my mind these past few days. And while I'm so thankful for the memories themselves, I'm more thankful and oh so very blessed to have these folks in my life to have shared these experiences with.

A Funny Story

2009-10-25T18:26:00.004-05:00

This weekend I was visiting with a friend of mine who is a counselor at McPherson College in Kansas. McPherson is one of our denominational colleges for the Church of the Brethren. I met Matt several years ago at Annual Conference because we were both there representing our respected colleges. Bridgewater for me, McPherson for Matt. He's been an admissions counselor as long as I've known him. Well I saw him this weekend while I was in Kansas for The Gathering, which is a district wide conference minus the business that usually takes place at district conference. Which basically means it's pretty awesome. This is all very important information for the following exchange...

So Matt and I were walking back to where the youth were meeting through out the weekend. You know, talking and catching up on how life has been since we saw each other over the summer. He was excited because he told me that his role at the college had changed and now he is a counselor for the Brethren students on campus. I thought about this for a minute, not quite understanding on why Brethren students needed counseling...

This was because my mind immediately went to a scenario in which a student would come to Matt telling him that they had a phobia of other people washing their feet and are unable to participate in feet washing services at Love Feast. And that they were coming to Matt so that he could help talk them through this phobia of theirs.

I don't know why that is what I thought of, but it was. And so I told him that and we both had a good laugh over it. Of course that's not his job. His new job as the Brethren counselor is so that he can focus on bringing more Brethren students to campus through recruitment. Which makes total sense.

Of course, I am still totally amused at the idea of having a counselor available to help with these little Brethren quirks...such as a phobia of others touching your feet. Which is very possible. But what would happen if there was a Brethren student who didn't like...well, ice cream...oh dear.

The Best Panara Visit EVER

2009-09-13T19:32:00.005-05:00

So last night as a way to welcome our new housemate, Don, to Elgin we all went to dinner at Panara Bread. So we all piled into our totally awesome white, eight passenger van and headed off to Panara. We got there and were up at the counter to give our orders, and I had actually already started, when one of the guys behind the counter (pretty sure a manager of sorts) started asking questions about who we were. Apparently we looked a little odd strollin in together as a group of young adults. I started listening to their conversation and completely forgot that there was a worker trying to take my order!

So the guy asked who we were. And so we told him that we are a group of volunteers in the Brethren Volunteer Service all working for the Church of the Brethren. He got really excited and started telling us about his daughter who is spending 11 months volunteering in the Kentucky mountains. We had a good, yet brief conversation with him. (And for those of you who are wondering, I did finally finish ordering my food.) As the rest of us ordered our food I asked the guy if he had any discounts for volunteers. I asked it half joking and half serious. He responded that there might be some brownies involved with our meal at some point. We all laughed and got rather excited about the prospect of free brownies. You know, as volunteers we REALLY like free things. :)

So we were at our booth eating our dinners having a great time. Lots of laughter was involved to say the least. Anyways, suddenly there he was, he popped his head over the end wall of our booth and started talking to us again. Not gonna lie, it startled us just a wee little bit! He asked us how our food was and then asked if we had room for a treat. We all looked around at each other and said 'uh, yeah!' He told us to create a space in the middle of the table and he set down a tray that had seven or eight different kinds of pastries on it. It was absolutely awesome!! We looked at each other and at him almost speechless. He kept talking to us, asking us more questions about what it is that we each did as volunteers and asking for more information. It was funny because everyone looked at me because it's my job to talk to people about BVS!

After the question and answer time, he finally left us to dig into our goodies. It was funny because we each had staked out which pastry we wanted almost before he had even gone. And they were all pretty much delicious!

Needless to say it was the best Panara visit ever.

And the point of the story: tell people that you volunteer! It just might mean getting something delicious for free!!

A Youthful Perspective

2009-09-08T17:00:00.008-05:00

I just attended one of the best, most relaxed yet challenging conference. Work took me to National Older Adult Conference in the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina at Lake Junaluska. An absolutely beautiful location. You can't go wrong with a lake surrounded my mountains. At least not in my opinion.

I find myself in the minority since I am very much under age of being eligible to attend this conference. I'm about 26 years ahead of the game. For these four days I consider myself so lucky because I had about 900 sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles coming to talk with me and to learn more about me. Always wondering why this youngster as at their conference.

I had a blast though. Everywhere I went people were always telling me "you're too young to be here!" and that was the typical opening into a wonderful conversation about who I am and what their story is. The theme of this year's conference was Legacies of Wisdom. And I think it is so fitting for all ages to ponder. For three days I was surrounded by so much history and wisdom. One of the speakers talked of writing legacy wills, rather than the typical will that says what is to happen in the end. These legacy wills are a way to tell your story. To preserve it for generations to come. So that they know the life and legacy of their loved ones. I love hearing people's stories and with my work in BVS I encourage people to tell their story. I think it might be one of my favorite parts of the work I do. I wish I had the words to express how much this means to me. But, words are escaping me. When I listen to these stories as these older adults are retelling their story, a part of their life that has shaped them in so many ways, chills come over me. There is definitely the Spirit present in these moments. The Spirit is moving in each one of us.

Many times through the week people were thanking me for coming and sharing about the work of BVS and for taking the time to join them. But really, it is me who should be thanking those who took the time to share their story. And I did. As someone who could easily be their daughter, or grandaughter, or neice, or nephew, it meant so much for me to hear these stories. I wish there was a way to record them all before they are lost.

It was a week where I could be super goofy and at the same time could become involved in a serious conversation about life and the church and the direction that BVS is headed. I could take time to relax and take a nap if I wanted to (which one day I did!), or to sit outside on the rocking chairs and enjoy conversation with whoever was already there. This is how I managed to stumble across some relatives that I didn't even know! It was really cool. I sat down and Mart looked at my last name and said my something something something double cousin something something something married a guy with that last name. And I said yep that's my parents! It's not often that you cross someone in the CoB with the last name Flaten! That's for sure! It was a really neat evening.

It's so hard to remember everything that happened in my week. So much to say the least. All I know is that I had such a great and meaningful time. I'm already trying to figure out how to make it to the next NOAC even though I will still be waaaaaaaaaay too young! Yep, these Brethren know how to have a good time!

Good Weekend

2009-08-30T22:46:00.003-05:00

After a summer of busy travel and new experiences, a weekend here at home to do with whatever I pleased was so extremely refreshing and much needed. I haven't had a free weekend since May. That's a long time.

So here is my fabulous weekend in a nutshell:

Saturday: slept in; played Ultimate for oh, I dunno, about 3 hours; created a feast of the infamous stuffed mushrooms (they never get old!) and vegetarian sushi for the housemates; watched Slumdog Millionaire

Sunday: attended church; ate lunch at the end of summer all church picnic at Wing Park (you really can't go wrong when it comes to Brethren pot lucks); came in second place in a croquet match; did laundry (gotta love those clean clothes!); went to dinner at the Barley House; watched a movie while folding laundry and attempting to download my photos from California and Oregon

Throw in there a lot of laughter and good conversation, blue skies and puffy white clouds with a bit of chill in the air and I've got myself a perfect weekend. It may sound busy to the average joe, but to me, it's exactly what was needed.

Believe it or not, that's an extremely chill weekend. And those are hard to find these days. Yup, it was a good weekend.

Who is Sharon?

2009-08-30T11:28:00.002-05:00

So for some reason people have trouble remembering my name. Youth I work with call me anything from Karen and Shannon (which actually kind of make sense), to Lauren and Jill (apparently I look like I could have these names...).

One day, soon after returning from my workcamps, I wrote on my Facebook status that I was having an identity crisis and two very important people to me responded.

Beth, one of my housemates and closest friends wrote this:

Sharon is: BVS recruiter, woman, sister, friend (to many people, in many places, in many ways), explorer, questioner, frisbee-er, amazing, intelligent, playful, unique, and so many other wonderful things

Dana, one of my former housemates and another close friend continued with:

"so many other wonderful things," including: contagious laugh-er, deep spirit, loyal and incredibly empathetic friend, redhead, peanut-butter hater, fearless, world traveler, introverted extrovert, not scared to ask the hard questions, one of my favorite people in the world, and loved more than she can imagine.

I read these things that had been written on my behalf and I'm not gonna lie, there were a few tears threatening to fall from my face. So thanks to you both for the kind and ever loving words. They mean more than you can imagine. And believe me my friends, the love and friendship is mutual to the end of the world (and in Beth's case, the end of the universe) and back again a million times.

Mushrooms? YES PLEASE!

2009-08-21T15:03:00.008-05:00

So I took today off. A personal day you might say. To come into the city of Chicago to visit my good friend Amber before my two British boys show up. (That's an entirely different story.) So we slept in this morning which was absolutely fabulous, not getting up until 9:30ish.

The morning started out with the making of eggs in a hole using the amazing multi-grain bread that I bought for Amber and Bethany as a 'thank you for letting us take over your apartment' gift. It was the beginning of something beautiful. As I sat on the floor of Amber's kitchen eating my egg in a hole, I was flipping through a cookbook and ooohing and ahhhing over the recipes and the photos that are ever so helpful. And that's where our day of food began.

We had a plan. This plan was to make ourselves a wonderful meal as an early dinner before picking the boys up from the airport. We had all day to go shopping for food and then create our masterpieces. We knew that we wanted mushrooms in some form or another. So after looking through the cookbooks we settled on chicken and mushroom risotto and asparagus for the main dish and then a strawberry rhubarb pie for dessert. Amazing? I think so.

I wish I could say that we went to the store and got the things we needed and put on our aprons and created these amazing things. Well this wasn't the case. I got a message that my friends were actually going to be getting in at 6:3opm rather than the original 7:00pm that we had planned into our days events. This cut a very crucial 30 minutes off of the time we had counted on. But no worries we regrouped and came up with a new idea.

NOW the idea was to have a light, late lunch of whatever struck our fancy at the grocery store and then take the boys out for some Chicago style pizza as a late 'welcome to Chicago!' dinner. Then Amber had the idea to make stuffed mushrooms using cream cheese, bleu cheese and green onions. I said I could make home made guacamole to go along with it. Then while we were at the store we decided to splurge on roasted red pepper hummus and pita chips. Throw in with those things some carrots, snap peas and grapes and we had ourselves a feast.

Oh and what a beautiful feast it was! The mushrooms were divine and simply melted in your mouth. The guacamole was amazing (once we figured out what spice was missing...silly salt). The hummus went brilliantly with the pita chips, carrots and snap peas. The grapes and blueberries were extremely refreshing. Add to that a mango green tea and SNAP. An amazingly, awesome and perfect meal.

So now we get back to the mushrooms. You know the ones that simply melted in your mouth? Yeah, you know you're jealous (as you should be!). Well, the very last mushroom I ate was by far the best one. It had great flavor. I can't even begin to describe it to you. For those of you who have seen Ratatouille, it's kind of like when Remi is experiencing food and there are all sorts of colors and shapes that explode around him as each flavor comes out in the dish. Yeah it was ten times better than that! Needless to say that after I ate this last mushroom, I was absolutely devastated. I wanted there to be more! In fact, I told Amber that I wished that someone would ring the doorbell at that very moment and have a dish full of these stuffed mushrooms. And I honestly really did!

But alas the doorbell did not ring. And there were no more stuffed mushrooms. But it was pretty much the most amazing thrown together meal ever! It was like we had a party. For the two of us. In our bellies. :)

Now onto the strawberry rhubarb pie, that's now going to be a strawberry (no rhubarb) crispish thing that we are creating ourselves....and the fun continues! YAY!

Bon appetit!

What if I Stay? What if I Go?

2009-08-16T23:17:00.006-05:00

I was thinking today at church about the many people I know and the various types of relationships and friendships there are in the world. Well the world might be a bit broad, but I can at least think about the ones in my life.

Those who know me well know that I love to meet new people and to learn what I can about them. I love to learn what their story is. It's a great thing. I know a lot of people from many different parts of my life. I know people from church in Bridgewater and Westminster and now from Highland Avenue. I know people from Brethren Woods, Camp Swatara, Camp Mount Hermon, Camp Ithiel, Camp Myrtlewood. I know people from the dozen or so workcamps that I've led these past several summers. I know people from John Wayland Elementary, Pence Middle School, Turner Ashby High School, Bridgewater College, and the University of Glouschestershire. I know people from National Youth Conference, Young Adult Conference and Annual Conference. I know people from my BVS Unit. I know people in England and Germany and Nigeria.

Needless to say that through all of these places I have met my fair share of people. And in many cases I have this knack of remembering many of these people. AND I attempt to keep in touch with them. This is the hard part. How does one keep in touch with everyone that they've met over the years? It just isn't possible. And believe it or not I do recognise this fact. I'm not going to say that I like it, but I do realize that it isn't possible. I'm awful at keeping in touch. I'm not good at writing letters, or e-mails. It's nothing personal, I'm just not practiced in writing. I struggle with keeping up with this blog much of the time!

One thing I have been thinking more and more lately is how there are some people that we meet who are meant to pass through our lives after leaving their mark on our life. Whatever that mark may be. I struggle a great deal when I lose touch with a friend, someone that I thought I'd never lose touch with. It does sadden me, but this thought that people pass through our lives for a reason gives me a sense of peace. This is something that I am still thinking about and pondering but that is okay because relationships of all sizes and strengths matter to me.

Whirl Wind of a Life - Summer 2009

2009-08-09T18:40:00.015-05:00

spending a weekend with fabulous young adults in the Church of the Brethren at Camp Swatara, learning and talking of 'one another,' singing beautiful traditional hymns as one body, getting in an awesome game of Ultimate

flying to Kansas City, Kansas to spend a week mentoring and learning from the amazing senior high youth of the Western Plains District at Camp Mount Hermon, watching the youth interact with community members at a soup kitchen for a random act of kindness, staying up all night talking over a flaming camp fire and not thinking anything about it

traveling to Harrisonburg, Virginia by train (one of my favorite ways to travel) to join 700 junior high youth and their advisors for a weekend of worship, fellowship, and fun, getting to visit some good friends in Bridgewater for an evening of good food and laughs, being bombarded by some of youth from workcamps last summer,sharing with youth about what Brethren Volunteer Service has in store for them when they are older, remembering the oh so famous hand hug

working countless hours with Beth to create a totally awesome tree for Annual Conference out of recycled cardboard and tin cans focusing on being environmentally friendly and reusing the things that we have available rather than getting more than we need, making my first trek to the west coast, having the opportunity to take a group of youth to a beach in San Diego, California for a day of learning and experiencing what Brethren Volunteer Service is all about and then treating them to ice cream afterwards, lounging by the pool at the resort we stayed at, eating fabulous raspberry sorbet

going on a road trip with Beth and Momma Merrill and Rachel from San Diego to Fremont and being amazed at how large California is and how diverse the terrain is, meandering around the great city of San Fransisco by myself and then again with my good Matthias, going around to some of the different nature parks in Fremont and hiking straight up them, watching fireworks on the 4th of July after taking our volunteers out for some fantastic Thai cuisine

flying into Eugene, Oregon not sure of how I would get from the airport to the Greyhound Bus Station downtown, sort of hitch hiking a ride from the gentleman who sat beside me on the plane (nice guy by the name of Bob), sitting beside a young man, named Jason, who was on leave from the army and on his way home while on the Greyhound, spending a week at Camp Myrtlewood and helping to prepare and eat wonderful home cooked food, having the opportunity to talk with John and Margaret for hours about life and our place in the world, taking hikes with Marley, the awesome Boxer pup, and running with him through the forest, watching the sun set over the Pacific, taking the time for a spontaneous camping trip in the Oregon wilderness with Niko and Tyler and sleep out under the open sky (despite the rain that chased us back in our car at 2 in the morning), realizing that I need wilderness in my life, oh and a dog (or two)

meandering around Portland and falling in love with the city even though I was there for a short time, taking public transportation everywhere, thinking about the possibility of moving to Portland and taking a class or two at a university there, walking through Powell's Bookstore and feeling as though I was in heaven, meeting my first pirate who happened to be completely decked out in pirate attire with a Scottish accent (no joke), talking with Pastor Kirby about the beauty that surrounds us in nature that God has blessed us with so abundantly, attending the Peace Church of the Brethren for Sunday morning services before flying home to Chicago

returning to Elgin for three very busy days, spending an afternoon at Camp Emmaus with a bunch of fabulous senior high youth, giving a presentation on BVS and almost choking myself on the dust in the lodge, eating mountain pies made with biscuit dough = GREAT idea, seeing all my frisbee friends and getting to play Ultimate

orientation for BVS found me in Harrisonburg, Virginia for a week, climbed some mountains in West Virginia and went swimming at Blue Hole on Route 33 West, spent an afternoon at Our Community Place, created a labyrinth that represented my life journey, met 15 totally awesome volunteers and wished them luck during their time of service

leading two week long service oriented camps, one in Keyser, West Virginia and the other in North Fort Myers, Florida, was able to spend those two weeks with some awesome youth and being extremely blessed by each of them, getting my hands dirty and the great sense of satisfaction that comes along with that feeling

attending the wedding of two friends from my time at Bridgewater College and wishing them well as they begin their lives together, eating super yummy crepes and chatting with a good friend, driving through the night to join my family at Smith Mountain Lake for a short holiday, talking for hours with Allison while floating in the wonderful waters of the lake, playing card games with grandma and winning, enjoying a time of no stress before the storms come again

driving my car from Bridgewater to Elgin in one day and enjoying the solitude and freedom that comes from having the windows down and the music up, seeing the smiling faces of my long lost housemates as I return home again

From A Traveling Expert

2009-07-20T21:23:00.002-05:00

So I do a lot of traveling these days. Most of it is for work, but not all of it is. Until I began BVS I hadn't done very much traveling by plane or train, it had mostly been by car. Now flying has become almost like second nature. I am also extremely fond of taking the train whenever I can, it's by far one of my favorite ways to travel and I go by train whenever I can!

The other week I had a new experience with traveling. I used the Greyhound Bus service when I was in Oregon. It was one of the only ways to get where I needed to go and even then I wasn't quite there yet! Let me just tell you that whenever I travel I am always meeting and observing the people around me. There are some interesting characters around there. I'm sure other people think the same thing when they see me!

I've been thinking of two particular stories lately that I want to share. The first one comes from when I was traveling to Camp Myrtlewood in the southwestern corner of Oregon. I flew into the town of Eugene and then needed to get to the Greyhound station downtown to go south. I hadn't really thought about how I was going to get from the airport to the bus station but I figured that there would possibly be some kind of public transportation available. On board the plane I began talking to the gentleman sitting next to me, his name is Bob, and I came to find out that he's lived in Eugene for almost 40 years or so. I thought to myself, well maybe he'll know how I can get to where I need to go. So I asked him. Bob paused and thought about it for a little bit and then said that he wasn't sure, but he thought there might be a bus downtown or something like that. Then after another pause he said that he was getting picked up but he thought that they would be able to drop me off. After getting off the plane Bob was there waiting for me and together we walked to the baggage claim. He left me at the information desk while he went to get in a smoke outside. The woman at the information desk said that there was no public transportation to the bus station but that I could rent a car if I needed to and that there were shuttles available to the hotels nearby. Neither of which were helpful. I don't think she quite understood what I was asking for. So I went and found Bob outside and said that if he thought his friend could give me a lift, I'd gladly accept. Keep in mind that I don't typically do this!! So Bob and I sat and talked while we waited. He works for a saw mill and I shared with him about BVS and what it is and what it's like to be a volunteer. Mike came rollin up in his black Nissan truck and Bob went up and asked if they could drop me off at the bus station. Mike peered over Bob's shoulder at me and said sure. So I threw my stuff into the back and Bob sqeezed himself into the back seat somehow and off we went. I made it safely to the Greyhound station thanks to these two guys!

This experience reminded me of the time three years ago when I was headed down to Pensacola Florida for several weeks of disaster response. I was flying down there through the Atlanta airport. We left Atlanta and ended up circling around Pensacola unable to land so we were sent back to Atlanta. Once we were there we were given new tickets for the following morning and vouchers for hotels in the area. These vouchers were for hotel rooms at a discounted price. I wasn't really in the mood to pay the full amount and as I walked away from the kiosk I saw a woman that I had been talking to in line. I thought for a minute and then went up to her and asked if she was willing to split the cost of a room for the night. I told her that this wasn't something that I typically did, asking strangers to do something like this. I wasn't really up for spending $50 on a room, but I was more okay with $25. So Faith and I decided to split the cost of the hotel room. We talked about how this wasn't something that either of us had ever really done. But you know, it worked out really well. And it was nice to not have to spend New Years Eve in the Atlanta airport.

It's amazing to me how many stories come out of traveling. Some good ones like these and other not so good experiences. But I like to remember these because they tell of all the good people that are out there in the world and how our lives are so inter connected.

Doing Things for Me

2009-07-19T21:43:00.002-05:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about who I am as an individual and what that means. As a result I've been spending a lot more time talking about 'me' than I'm used to. I've been extremely focused lately (for the past several years really) on paying attention and listening to others and asking them guiding questions and putting all my energies on them.

But lately I've been taking more time for myself. Doing things that I want to do. For me. Call it selfish if you'd like. I prefer to think of it as healthy. I haven't taken the time lately to care for myself. To do the things I find relaxing.

For the last several months, since I returned from Nigeria, I have found myself unable and uninterested in photography. Something that I have enjoyed doing these past several years I wasn't able to do. So I began to wonder and think about why that was. I believe I haven't been taking care of my own well being.

So I have been taking the time to walk through the woods. To spend time wandering and being. To stop for an hour and pick green beans because I can. To make it so that I'm home and available on Frisbee days. To travel down a quiet river with a good friend and a couple youngsters on a canoe. To appreciate sunsets on both the plains and over the mountain tops. To sit and be. To talk more openly with friends. To be.

It isn't easy. I often times find myself totally lost in what's going on with work or trying to see everybody under the sun when I'm home. It's a matter of looking for those small things in life that bring joy to our lives. Things that recenter our lives and bring us closer to the small positives things in our lives that occur every day.

The Setting Sun

2009-07-15T21:56:00.003-05:00

So this is out of order. But I wanted to get it down quick before I forget! I'm back in Elgin for just a few days between my west coast adventure and my east coast adventure. I got in Sunday night and I leave early tomorrow morning.

Today I spent the afternoon and evening at Camp Emmaus, the Church of the Brethren camp about an hour and a half away from Elgin. It was a great visit. I got to talk about BVS. I got to see my youth from Highland Avenue. I got to be at camp. I got to eat mountain pies (mini pizza's) for dinner (although here in Elgin there are no mountains so they call them pie iron dinners). I got to swim and relax a bit and catch up with a good friend. Basically it was a great visit.

But what I wanted to write about specifically was the ride home. I was driving directly east, so in the opposite direction of the setting sun. The sunlight that was cast on the wide open corn fields that are still in the early stages of growth simply took my breath away.

I think I was paying attention to this because of a conversation that I had with Tyler, one of our volunteers who is serving in the hills and valleys in Oregon. I feel more at home in the mountains and valleys and Tyler was saying how he misses seeing the sunset over the wide open fields and plains of the mid-west. He's right, there is a certain beauty to being able to watch the sun set over the horizon. Everyone should experience it sometime.

Down to the Chapel to Pray

2009-05-13T21:31:00.006-05:00

Several weeks ago I was in the chapel for a time of prayer with the BVS Team. We try to take time every morning for prayer. We'll read a scripture and have five minutes of silence and conclude with a prayer. It was during one of these sessions that I found myself paying particular interest in the walls that create the chapel at the Church of the Brethren offices. It is an amazing design. One that I have never seen before. And it's probably one of my favorite places to worship that isn't outside.

You walk into an oblong room where the walls are made entirely out of varying kinds of stone. Sporadically placed throughout the wall are a dozen or more miniature stained glass windows. It is absolutely beautiful. The colors in the stained glass are so incredibly rich and bright and amazing. I could look at them for hours. Then in the front of the chapel, there is a hanging wooden cross underneath a skylight. It's a great space.

So this morning during prayer time I focused almost the entire time on the space I was in. And wondered how it came to be. I usually have a very short attention span. My mind tends to wander a great deal during those five minutes. Everything from work I need to do, to friends I'd like to be in touch with or what I'm planning on eating for lunch. Not exactly a prayerful time. But this morning I couldn't stop thinking about these walls, these stone, the glass. The time and energy and sweat that would have gone into putting each stone into place and slowly building the wall. They tell me that the men who constructed the walls learned their trade in Sicily, Italy. You know that many hands were used in the making of something as exquisite as this room.

I am incredibly thankful for those who worked so hard to create our chapel at the offices. For me it truly is a place of worship. When the room is filled with harmonizing voices during a Wednesday morning chapel service. Or when I need a few minutes alone to collect my thoughts it is a great place to go.

Many mornings I find myself not wanting to go pray, but then I get there and it's good. Great even. I often wonder why this is and I don't know the answer to that. But I am glad it's something that we do together as a team. In a place where we each work every day to minister to others, it's very important to take the time to minister to ourselves and support one another. Very important indeed.

Chiquitita

2009-05-12T22:27:00.003-05:00

This is a song by Abba that I have had in my head for awhile. So I thought I'd stick the lyrics up here. Here is a link if you want to hear the song itself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poxthfG109o

Chiquitita, tell me whats wrong
You're enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you've broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita

So the walls came tumbling down
And your loves a blown out candle
All is gone and it seems too hard to handle
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
There is no way you can deny it
I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita

Lost

2009-05-12T08:21:00.003-05:00

There are so many things that I find myelf wanting to write about, but sometimes I find it hard to sit down and remember what it is that I want to say! It's like my thoughts end up being lost in my own head!

Like the fact that it's finally spring here. Everything is finally growing. The grass is a rich green and the trees have leaves on them again. The flowers are budding and everything is so incredibly beautiful. One of my favorite things to do is to be outside. Whether I'm taking a walk or playing Frisbee or football (soccer). All I want to do is be outside! Many people have a favorite season, whether it's spring, summer, fall or winter, but for me I love them all. I love the heat of summer, the beautiful colors of the trees in the fall, the snow and cold of winter, and then all the new life in the spring. It makes me smile just to think about it.

Then there's the fact that I sprained my thumb last week and couldn't play frisbee for a few days. So what did I do instead? I went to the park and got in on a game of pick up soccer. The guys that play at the park all speak Spanish, so I have no idea what it is they are saying, which is okay with me. There are always games of soccer going on in the afternoon/evenings at Wing Park that involve dozens of people just playing for the fun of it. It's pretty awesome really. And they're nice enough to humor me by letting me play. I have realized though that the muscles you use playing frisbee and the muscles you use playing soccer are VERY different. I could barely move last week I was so sore! But it doesn't stop me from going back.

Of course there are always more stories to tell from my time in Nigeria. And those will come. I have to tell of the woman I danced with at a fellowship dinner with the Garkida EYN #2 congregation. And the dog-like female turkey and the crazy male turkey who was, well crazy. And the fact that all I wanted to eat when I returned to the states was fruit and hard boiled eggs. I could go on and on. Not to worry, I will elaborate more soon!

I have so many thoughts in my head that it's hard to get it all down. But I am working on it.

I am Bahago

2009-05-03T23:10:00.003-05:00

While in Nigeria I often heard the term "bahago" used when I was around, especially if I was eating or writing something down. Bahago mean "left-handed" in Hausa, and since I am left handed, it is only fitting that they would call me this. Being left handed was the identity that I received during my weeks there. When it came to meals I would try to eat using my right hand but I found it to be a slow going process. This wouldn't have been a huge deal except for the fact that when it was time for the children to go through the line and get food there would be no plates or spoons/forks left so they would go and gather the empty plates from those who had been served first. And that was us, the bature, the guests of honor. In other words, I needed to eat at a normal pace, if not quickly, so the children could take and use my plate. So, I used my left hand.

The girls that I played with most every day that we spent at the EYN loved that I was bahago. One of our last mornings together they came while I was on my porch writing and they wanted to write their names in my journal. After they did that, they wanted to see me write my name. As soon as I began writing I heard laughter and giggling and excited chatter. I was able to recognise that they were calling me bahago. I just laughed and smiled and kept on writing.

Our last evening in Kwarhi, EYN hosted a farewell and thank you dinner for us. After the meal I was asked for my mailing address by one of the gentlemen sitting near me. He knew me not by name, but as the Young and Strong Girl. Later that evening he came visiting at my house to greet me and give me a small gift of groundnuts (peanuts). More importantly he wanted to introduce me to his daughter, whom he introduced as being bahago, like me.

I get the feeling that not many in this culture are left handed. My guess is that if a child begins to show left handed tendencies that they are taught otherwise. For many years that is how it was here in the States as well. My grandmother should have been left handed, but she wasn't allowed. So to meet this child, although briefly, was a very special moment for me. There was also a young man working with us some days who was clearly left handed while he was doing the work. But when it came to meals he ate with his right hand.

In many cultures, the left hand is dirty. It is the hand that is used to clean up after oneself. It is of great offense if you extend your left hand to another person in greeting, or offer something using your left hand. It isn't done. In some senses, the fact that we live in a right handed world is beneficial. At the same time I feel as though people who are right handed don't think about these things. Those of us who are left handed have had to make many adjustments. Honestly I probably don't even know how many adjustments I've made to this right handed world. But I've hade to. And I'm okay with that.

I am bahago. It is a part of who I am. And I love it.

Memorable Moments in Ultimate

2009-04-30T23:46:00.003-05:00

I love playing Frisbee. And I might even say that I'm actually pretty good at it. But there are two things I don't do. Or don't do often. And that is jump and dive for the disc. I'm somewhat vertically challenged. And I just don't dive. I will say though that jumping does happen more often than diving.

But this week I had two amazing dives! It really was just that. Amazing. For the first dive I just went for it. One of my teammates threw the disc a bit off and I knew I needed to get it! So I did! And in the process I took one of the guys down with me. Oh well. He was fine.

The second dive was even better. It rained most of the day today. So the field was somewhat wet and there were puddles in various areas. I went to catch the disc and it skimmed off the tops of my fingertips. In the following split second, I realized that it was totally reachable. So I dove for it. And ended up in a HUGE mud puddle. I was covered head to toe. But I got the disc! And it felt great!

So this is me documenting my first two notable dives AND catches. Yay for Ultimate!

Being Directed

2009-04-30T22:03:00.002-05:00

I am still meeting with a spiritual director once every three or four weeks or so. Depending on my travel schedule and his availability when I'm home. Anyways, we met earlier this week and it's always such a relaxing and refreshing time. In the beginning of the meeting I never know quite what to say or how to start. It's hard to just launch into the thoughts that are swirling around in my head. So I usually find myself just sitting there and looking at David waiting for him to ask me a question. Which he will. And then an hour and a half later I find myself with nothing more to say. It's always amazing to me how this happens. I just open up and the words begin to flow out of me. Often times my mouth isn't able to keep up with my thoughts. But things always come out. Things that I didn't even know I was thinking about. Realizations are made. Questions are asked. It's a very healthy thing for me to be doing. And I consider myself extremely lucky and blessed to have found David. After our meetings I feel light and free yet challenged and motivated. It's great.

Swinging

2009-04-20T16:07:00.003-05:00

So I found myself with a free hour this afternoon. And I asked myself what I should do with it. Should I take a nap? Or should I take a walk? Keep in mind that it is an absolutely gorgeous day outside. The moment I remembered that there was a park just down the street I knew what I had to do.

I went for a walk. When I set out I had hopes for a swing set to be somewhere along the path. I was not let down!

I walked into the park, crossed over a bridge and started down what looked to be a brand new sidewalk. Then the sidewalk ended but I just continued on around the edge of the water. I made it around to the other side and that was when I saw the swings. They were beckoning me to come to to them. And so I did.

There weren't other people in the park. If I was back in Elgin at Wing Park there would be dozens and dozens of people everywhere playing soccer or basketball or tennis, children would be playing on the playground with parents nearby talking with friends. You'd hear kids screaming as they chased one another, or laughter from the games.

But not in this park. It was silent. I could hear the birds. The water hitting the stone edge. I crossed a large empty field towards the swing set. There was no one else around me. After I rolled up my pant legs so that I could bask in the sun I sat down and began pumping my legs.

Back and forth. Lean in and lean back. I can't even remember the last time I sat down just to swing. I found myself going higher and higher. Focusing on the squeakiness of metal on metal. I just wanted to touch the bright blue sky.

I couldn't keep on going forever so I decided it was time to stop and continue on my walk. Yes, walking was a much better idea than taking a nap.

Youth, Camp, and the Environment

2009-04-18T21:51:00.002-05:00

So this weekend I have found myself in McPherson, Kansas for a Regional Youth Conference. And I found myself spending time with the youth in the Western Plains District, leading them in camp games and learning/remembering about environmental issues.

These happen to be three things that I like a lot. Youth. Camp. The Environment.

Youth happen to be a passion of mine. I could see myself working with youth full time in the future.

I've spent several summers at camp and I know lots of crazy camp games. And now thanks to this weekend I know more!

Some of you may not know this, but I was an environmental science major at college. I forget how much I really enjoy the concepts and ideas and various aspects of environmental awareness until I participate in weekends like this.

So this has been a good weekend for me. Maybe all these realizations are something that I should be paying attention to. Maybe I will...

Your Story, My Story

2009-04-15T21:03:00.004-05:00

What is your story? What is my story? What is the story of the person in the room with you right now? What is the story of your co-workers? What about the people you pass on the street every day?

I just started reading What is the What? The story of one of the Lost Boys of Sudan. Even after the first few pages I started asking myself these questions. We each have a story, our story. But how often do we let our own story be heard? Or take the time to hear where other people have come from?

If someone asked you right now, this very moment, to tell your own story what would you say? How would you begin? Would it flow together and make sense, or would it be fragmented and out of order?

One night after dinner and a long hard day of work, one of the young Nigerian workcampers asked for the elders among us to share stories from their childhood. Ralph, a 76 year old gentleman who grew up in Nigeria shared several humorous stories. Something about a spitting cobra in the outhouse... Then this young man, Isau, shared his story. His entire story. I wish I had been able to catch more than I did. He was very passionate in his sharing. Then my dear friend Anthony shared his story. It was one of hope and happiness and trust and love and faith and determinaton. His story flowed and it left me wanting to hear more and to learn more about this man and his family.

It seemed to me that the men and women that I was able to work with and get to know, knew three things. They knew:

1. Who they were.
2. Where they came from.
3. Where they are going.

Now, while that may be a very generalized statement, I find that it is not the case for me. I struggle everyday with who I am. I struggle everyday with where I am going from here. I have no idea. Sometimes I think that maybe I know. But I find myself becoming almost paralyzed from all the options and opportunities that I have.

But each and every day I find myself thinking about my own story. And how, when asked, I might tell it.

Care Free Me

2009-04-12T22:32:00.003-05:00

Last night I was hanging out with the girls. Nothing new. Nothing out of the usual. But at the same time something was different. I was talking. And laughing. And acting somewhat crazy. Some might even think that something had been put in my water.

The last few months have been stressful. And emotional. Many highs. Many lows. Lots of thinking has been involved. I dare to say that opinions have been formed. Conclusions reached. Goals made.

There are many questions still to be asked. Many thoughts to process. Experiences to recall.
My future is unclear. Unknown.

But for one night. I was care free. And happy. Weights were lifted from my shoulders. I could breathe. And laugh. And listen. And smile. And be in the moment.

And it was good. No, it was great.

Letting God Bless Me

2009-04-09T22:34:00.002-05:00

Tonight many from the HACoB gathered together for a time of remembering and thinking about what Christ would have gone through on this night before His death. It's a hard thing to think about. And strangely enough I'm not sure if I ever have in great detail before. What this night meant to Him and those he spent it with. To have taken the time to wash the disciples feet and break bread with them. Knowing what was to come the next day. I think for myself, I tend to look past the events that lead up to Easter and focus on the hope and the renewal of life and the gift that Easter brings to us. But without the events leading up to Easter Sunday, there would be no reason to celebrate. It would simply be another day in the year. It's good to be reminded of what it is that Christ did for us.

I find myself growing more and more each and every day. I just thought to myself, "is this really me talking?" Sometimes I have to wonder where these thoughts come from. But then I think to myself, I'm just getting older and maturing and starting to really think things through. Instead of simply going through the motions, I'm beginning to think about why I am going through the motions. And this is true in many senses of my life, not just with my faith.

It could very well be that this little girl is growing up. Finding my place in this world. One question that I have been asking myself over and over again, is wondering if the decisions I make are based on what I want or if it's what God wants of me. I've been talking with several people about this and some wisdom has been shared. What if what I want and what God wants of me are one and the same? Maybe God just wants me to step up and do what I really want and allow God to bless that. Definitely something to consider.

For now, Happy Easter.

Blessings

2009-04-09T21:21:00.003-05:00

washing the feet of a young girl and hearing her giggle because it tickles, always thinking of friends in other parts of the world and constantly transposing time, Emmee and Wasaka, the power of positive thought, reading to understand and not to simply enjoy, being in one place longer than a few days, being around passionate people, alone time, bright smiles and contagious laughter, my wonderful housemates, the hope of Spring, blue skies and green grass, having friends and family to miss, ability to question and wonder, choice, knowledge that maybe what I want and what God wants for me could very well be one and the same...

A Baby Dedication and a Special Preacher

2009-04-04T10:05:00.001-05:00

On our last Sunday in Nigeria we worshiped at the EYN Utako church in Abuja. There were several very special things about worship that morning. Firstly there was a baby dedication that took place. It was very special to see this child presented to the congregation and dedicated to God. Throughout the trip it was sometimes hard to see the similarities between EYN and the Church of the Brethren here in the states. While the roots of EYN are in fact Brethren, it isn’t always apparent. Here was a time when it was apparent. To see this small child dedicated and to be part of the group that accepted the child into the church was a very special moment for me. We rose up as one people, as Nigerians and Americans and Europeans, and to accept our part in this child’s life. In my case, through prayer. It gave me chills. God was moving in that moment. Secondly that morning the sermon was delivered by one of our leaders, Reverend Anthony Ndamsai. I grew to love this man and his family during my short time in the country. To have had the opportunity to hear him preach is priceless. And for me especially because the text he used was from Esther 4. A few days before I knew he was going to be preaching he showed me something he had written based on this text from Esther. In fact he had written it with me in mind. It was very humbling to read and to realize that God was speaking to me through Anthony. In many ways I feel as though I am being called to go back to Nigeria and this message from Anthony is part of that calling.

Two Host Family Experiences

2009-04-04T10:04:00.000-05:00

I was able to stay two nights in the homes of families of the congregations we visited on the weekends. The first night was in the small village of Lassa. We arrived for a fellowship meal with the EYN #1 Lassa congregation and afterwards we were told to wait outside and someone would come and take us to their home for the night. I was the first person to leave the church. I guess you could say that I was snatched up immediately! I went with a woman named Hajara and the first thing she asked me was, “can you trek?” and I said, “yes!” So we trekked (walked) for about 20 minutes to get to her one room home that was on the outskirts of town. Everything she needed was in this single room. There were two beds, a television (although there was no electricity to use it), cooking items in the corner (the kitchen itself was on the front porch). We went in (after leaving our shoes outside the door) and started getting ready for bed. Hajara offered me a wrapper (a piece of cloth to wrap around myself) to wear to take my bath that I accepted and I put on. Then she walked me out to the ‘toilet/shower’ which is a small space with cinderblock walls, no roof with a hole in the middle. I was able to wash up under the stars that night and I loved it. I felt free. We then spent some time talking with one another about our families and our lives. Hajara is a mother of four and her husband lives in Lagos with the children while she is working in Lassa, many hours away. She hasn’t seen her family in two years but is hoping to spend two months with them soon. We then looked at her photos that she has of her family and friends and colleagues. I could tell that those people were very important to her. In the morning, Hajara heated up some water so that I could take a warm tub bath, which consisted of me dumping water on myself and it felt so wonderful to do just that! We then trekked back to the church greeting many people as we went because I’m sure they were somewhat surprised to see a young white woman walking down the street!

My next experience of staying with a family was extremely different but at the same time similar. It was different in that I stayed with the family of John and Esther and their daughter Awa who is my age. We left the EYN Polo church in Maidugari in a Mercedes and drove across the city to their home. We drove through the gate at their home and inside I saw a large, ranch style house. We sat outside and enjoyed the last of the day light before the generator was turned on for the evening. I was immediately ushered to Awa’s room, where the TV had already been turned on. If people had televisions, they were always on to show us as a way to show wealth to those who visit. I waited there while Awa heated up some water so that I could take a tub bath before going to bed. After cleaning up I went out to the living room and we sat down together for a late meal before sitting down to watch CNN. John and Esther both had the opportunity to study in the states in Kansas. John attended McPherson College and Esther went to a nearby university. They have six children, five boys and a girl. They were incredibly warm and welcoming to me. Now I can say that I have a home in Maidugari.

Naming Ceremony

2009-04-04T10:00:00.004-05:00

We were able to spend one afternoon attending a baby naming ceremony in the nearby village of Uba. When a child is born in Nigeria, a naming ceremony takes place a week later. This child’s name is Jacob. The difference between Jacob and the other children is that both of his parents are HIV positive. While Jacob is not infected himself, he is very much so affected by this disease. His mother (whose name unfortunately I forget), had lost all sense of hope before she began attending a HIV support group that the EYN HIV/AIDS Program sponsors. She was then able to receive medical help as well as find a supportive group to share with. It was through the HIV/AIDS Program that she was introduced to her husband, who is also HIV positive. We were able to take some time immediately following the ceremony to talk with the couple as well as several women from the support group. They seem to be a happy, healthy couple and have been incredibly blessed by their newborn Jacob. (Note:EYN has decided to take a stand and do what they can to help the fight against HID/AIDS.)

The Small Things

2009-03-31T23:32:00.003-05:00

So here are some of the small things that made me happy today:

dark rain clouds mixed with the bright blue sky, a mid-afternoon cold pizza snack, the joy that comes with picking out small gifts to send to friends far away, rainbows, watching Beth play with her new stuffed monkey, eating good cookies from Jewel, having all the housemates home for the first time in months, receiving an encouraging and delightful e-mail from my NYC small group leader

Dear Strong Girl

2009-03-29T23:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Strong Girl,
There is a saying that goes, “he who loves your child, loves you.” We thank you for taking your time to humbly play with the kids which showed that you really felt free around. Thanks for spending your energy working like a man. My family decided to give you just a little groundnuts. God bless you. Yours in Christ, Reverend Bitrus. EYN General Evangelism
Coordinator.
This is a note that I received my last night at the EYN headquarters in Kwarhi while participating in a four week workcamp to Nigeria. It was not until this night that I met Reverend Bitrus. He sat close to me at the special thank you dinner that EYN held for the workcamp group. While he did not know me by name, he did know me as the young and strong girl. After I accepted the gift and read the note I realized that I was not ready for all of this to end.
Not ready to leave the children of the primary school that I played with every day. Not ready to leave the young girls who came up to me at church and shyly asked if we could be friends. Not ready to leave the in depth conversations on faith and the church, life and the world. Not ready to leave the people whom I had come to know and love.
My short time in Nigeria has left me questioning and wondering about many things and at the same time has left me wanting more. Wanting to listen carefully to what God is calling me to do. What God is calling us as a church to be. I have been back in the states for almost three weeks and not a second goes by that am not thinking about my friends, my brothers and sisters, in Nigeria. God brought us together for a reason. To work together, fellowship together, learn together and grow together. Relationships were created that know no boundaries. This is what I believe God calls us to do each and every day.

The Welcoming

2009-03-26T20:24:00.003-05:00

So this morning as I was trying not to wake up I was dreaming that I was back in Nigeria at a church service. It was the part of worship where the ZME Women's Fellowship begins singing a welcoming/greeting song and the rest of the congregation joins in. Everyone is on their feel dancing and singing and moving around greeting one another with a handshake.

This was my favorite part of the worship service. When everyone is singing and smiling and laughing and shaking hands and praising God for one another. Words cannot explain the wonderful feelings and emotions that come with this simple act of greeting one another.

So I dreamed of that this morning and then later in the day I was able to attend chapel at Bridgewater College. There was a time to greet one another. Again it was a time where I was able to greet and hug and smile at my college friends and family. This was also a special time. Only different. Different is good.

What A Day

2009-03-24T21:43:00.002-05:00

So in one day I think I've felt every emotion possible.

Nerves from speaking in front of a class.

Joy from seeing and catching up with old friends.

Anger, frustration, and every other negative emotion possible with the news of a good friend and mentor losing her job.

Uncertainty of if anyone would come to talk with me about BVS.

The lightheartedness of laughter while talking with a good friend.

The excitement of making plans to put on a cute dress and go into the city when it's warm.

Disappointment in knowing that I won't be around to send off a good friend before she moves away.

Yes, it has been an emotional roller coaster of a day.

I don't even like roller coasters.

Always Thinking

2009-03-23T13:12:00.004-05:00

So since I returned three weeks ago my mind is constantly moving and thinking. It just doesn't stop. Ever. The only way I have a chance of sleeping at night is if I journal a bit before bed. While I was on the trip I would write myself to sleep almost every night. Everyone I see asks me how the trip was, to which I respond it was great! Or they ask me what the best part about the trip was, or what the hardest thing I saw or experienced was. Those of course require a bit more thought and time to answer.

The best thing about the trip by far were the people I was lucky enough to interact with everywhere we went. From the girls who would come up to me and in a whisper ask if we could be friends, to the woman who invited me into her single room home for a night. From sitting with Ester on her front porch visiting before it was time for a meal while working at the headquarters in Kwarhi, to being invited to come out and play with the children at the primary school right beside the work site. From sharing unspoken words and smiles when language barriers could have gotten in the way, to having serious conversations about faith, life, the world and everything in between. I could keep going on and on about the people I met...they made the trip for me what it was in so many ways.

As far as the hardest parts about the trip, those take more thought for me. I have realized since my return that I was seeing the country through a very optimistic and positive lens. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but now that I'm thinking more realistically, it makes the trip less perfect (but still completely worth it in every sense). So some of the hard parts about the trip was to not be able to drink water that to me looked perfectly clean. Coming back to the states and having the unlimited supply of water that we have available to us each and every day and knowing that isn't good enough for some people. They still need to go out and purchase bottled water. It's a lifestyle I guess. One of the things that I saw everywhere I went was people washing their cars each and every day which is a very curious thing to me. How is it that they can use all that water in that way when not everyone has water to drink and cook their food in is something that I wonder about. Having a clean water source is a big deal everywhere in the world and Nigeria is the same. I was watching a movie the other night with my parents and on it the main characters introduced an engine that was run solely on H2O. I didn't think too much of it at the time, but later on I realized how much I didn't like that idea. Sure initially it sounds like the perfect soloution. Use water to run our engines. It's clean, renewable, safe. But then you have to think of the fact that so many people do not have access to clean water every day of their lives. How can we use that precious water in this way when people aren't having their basic needs met? Then there is the concept of pollution in the country. Trash is everywhere because there is no way to dispose of it as we do in the west. There are no trash cans, no weekly trash pick up. What people will do is rake trash and grasses together and burn them. This will get rid of some of the garbage, but when it comes to the millions of plastic bags that are all over the place, they don't actually burn, they just will seperate into smaller pieces and blow away to cover a different area. There is a joke, with a lot of truth to it, that the national flower is of the black and white plastic kind rather than the beautiful flowers that grow.

As time goes by I'll come to more realizations and revelations but it all was and is worth it. I want to be constantly thinking and constantly being challenged by what I experienced and saw. It's part of my journey and it has become part of who I am as a young female in this world, as a child of God, as a daughter, as a friend. In every way.

Nigerian Highlights

2009-03-11T20:28:00.004-05:00

- all the fresh fruit I could hope for! Pineapple, bananas, papaya...
- beautiful, colorful, bright, bold cloth
- going to the bathroom in the bush :)
- singin' along with a banjo
- throwing my Frisbee as far as I could and watching the children run after it
- seeing the tamarind tree where the Church of the Brethren began in Garkida
- fried plantains!
- the universal language of smiling and laughter
- leading a devotion on Fruits of the Spirit
- dumping water on my head as a form of showering
- playing with children everywhere I go
- washing clothes by hand
- being called the 'young and strong girl' around the EYN compound
- seeing someone carrying a couch on his head while riding a motorcycle...no joke!
- singing a medley on Down by the Riverside and When the Saints go marching in at every church we visited
- attending a naming ceremony and holding the new born baby
- being able to see the bright stars every night
- hearing stories
- eating hard boiled eggs for breakfast
- my first attempt at bartering (I'm not very good at it)
- playing hand games with the girls from the primary school
- being told that coffee is a man's drink and tea is a woman's drink ;)
- the big white-toothed smiles of the children
- watching a Nigerian film
- trekking up a mountain in Gavva to the water source for the village
- ICE CREAM!
- all the various choirs at the churches we visited...amazing music
- worshiping at the largest EYN church (3ooo members), EYN Polo in Maidugari
- receiving a gift of beautiful cloth
- eating fried grasshoppers with peppe
- attempting to learn Hausa
- being asked by girls and young women to be friends. just like that.
- receiving a gift of ground nuts (peanuts)
- being bahago (left handed)
- visiting Yankari Game Reserve
- MANGO'S!
- swimming in Wikki Warm Springs...soooo refreshing and wonderful!
- the baboons getting into my room and then having a song written about it!

And many many more! This list gives you a taste of what I experienced and saw!

Back in the States

2009-03-10T13:27:00.005-05:00

Honey I'm home!

So as many of you have discovered I had no internet available to me while I was on my journey in Nigeria. I've already heard from several people that they checked every single day just to make sure that they didn't miss anything.

So now I have the huge task in front of me of telling you about my time in Nigeria. There is so much to tell and I think the easiest way for me to begin talking about what I have seen and heard is to show you pictures that will remind me of stories and thoughts that I've had as well as to be asked questions that are more direct than, "how was your trip?" My stories will come out naturally in conversation over time. And I will constantly be processing my thoughts of what I have just seen and experienced these past four weeks. (Which for the record, may SEEM like a long time, but in all honesty was not nearly long enough.)

So now I'm back stateside. In many senses part of me feels as though I didn't just experience this trip. As though it was a dream. I feel very detached from the whole experience. I think my tiredness and the fact that I'm extremely overwhelmed at this moment could have something to do with it.

Here are a few of my initial questions/thoughts:
wanting to go back, wondering what the real reason is why I want to go back, do I really want to go back because I want to or because everyone else wants me to, what does this whole experience mean for me in my life, how will it affect my life in the long run, the relationships I've created there, the relationships I have here...I could go on and on.

Former BVSers say that they may not realize for several years how their time in BVS has affected them. I think that will be true for this experience as well. I'm not expecting the answers to come immediately, but I feel that they will be revealed in their own time.

"Unrevealed until it's season, something God alone can see."

Today's the Day!

2009-02-07T10:55:00.005-06:00

I'm reminded of a quote from Finding Nemo:

Morning. It's morning, everyone! Today's the day! The sun is shining, the tank is clean, and we are gonna get out of... The tank is clean. !

It's a beautiful day. Today I leave for Nigeria and as excited as I am, I'm getting a bit nervous! I just can't believe the day is finally here! I'll be leaving for the airport in the next hour and then this time tomorrow I'll be in Germany (I think, I always have trouble with the time zones!). And then on to Abuja! I'm ready for this adventure and I know there are so many people thinking about me and I wouldn't be where I am today without those prayers!

Here's a photo of me right now in my room as I'm ready to head out!

I'll be in touch soon!!! Please send e-mails while I'm gone, I'd love to hear from you!! Or you can comment on here and I'll check em out!

Nigerian Dresses

2009-02-04T21:09:00.004-06:00

So I'm getting more and more excited! I leave for Nigeria in three days!!! Whoa! Where has the time gone?! Tonight I had a little bit of a fashion show for the girls here at the house trying on some of the dresses that a good friend of mine wore during her time in Nigeria as a BVSer. Here's a bit of the fashion show for you! Enjoy!

Saint Ignatius of Loyola

2009-01-29T15:20:00.004-06:00

Being in the presence of God:
At Camp Ithiel, living in a community, being surrounded by newly excited volunteers.

Remembering Gifts of the Day:
waking up, laughter, smiles, volleyball in the rain, finger fencing, paying attention to bubbles, hugging trees, talking on Skype with Jerry, going barefoot, amazing banana pancakes

Holy Spirit's Guidance:
exploring, looking ahead, searching, listening to others, listening to myself

Prayer:
to remember all these things that affect me and shape me, test me and frustrate me.

(This was an activity done at BVS orientation to help us pay attention to the day and to reflect on the day.)

A Series of Unfortunate Events

2009-01-26T20:06:00.002-06:00

So today has been quite the day here in sunny Florida. I think I'll compare it to the book series and movie "A Series of Unfortunate Events" because in many ways that is what happened today.

Here is the Sharon version of a series of unfortunate events on this Monday January 26th:

1. Woke up early to the girls getting ready for their beach day. I could have slept in. (Not a big deal at all, but true never-the-less.)

2. Went to leave the house I was staying at. Couldn't leave. (You know most people have troubles getting IN to the house. Not me. I had problems LEAVING the house. I didn't have a key to lock the front door so I tried to go out the garage door using the automatic doors. That didn't work because I couldn't get under the door without the door automatically stopping and going back up. This was a problem. Go figure.)

3. Finally made it out of the house. Thirty minutes later.

4. Went to go get my hair cut. The salon that was recommended to me was closed on Mondays. (I think this deserves another 'go figure.')

5. Found a place to get my hair cut (this was actually a good thing, but caused the next bad thing).

6. Went to leave the parking lot. Was backed in to by a woman who didn't see me (in my bright red rental car). (Side note: I'm fine and she's fine.) (Second side note: my dad called right after the accident occured, it was like he knew or something. Gotta love dads!)

7. Went to Enterprise to check in about accident. Got the wrong directions so I had to back track a bit.

8. Got on the road to head to Fort Myers from Miami in just enough time to get Emily from the airport, luckily.

And as the movie and I think the books, end on a happy note. My day has as well. But I thought I should record this crazy day of rather unfortunate events.

"Must Do It"

2009-01-26T07:45:00.004-06:00

Okay so we (myself and the Interdistrict Youth Cabinet) were playing Cranium last night and my team had to fill in the blanks and this was our clue:

Hint: Inspirational Ad

_ U _ T
_ _
_T

So, being the smart young adults that we are we came up with the answer "must do it!" first. Now does this sound like an inspirational ad to you? I don't think so! Then just before time ran out we came up with the correct answer of JUST Do It which of course is the Nike tagline that has been around since forever it seems! Even though we did in fact get it right we laughed and laughed over the fact that we originally came up with 'must do it.' I'm not a huge fan of Cranium, but that was a good time right there.

A Spring that Waits to Be

2009-01-22T00:30:00.003-06:00

Whelp, tomorrow I'll be heading down the road towards warm weather, friends, old and new, a new opportunity and a ton of fun! That's right, I'm on my way to Florida where the current temperatures are in the mid 70's on average. Don't get me wrong, I do still love the cold and the snow, but this trip to the sunny (hopefully) south is a much needed break!

Over the course of the next week and a half, you'll find me in Atlanta, GA making a overnight stop to visit some BSVers there, North Miami, FL at a youth retreat led by the Interdistrict Youth Cabinet (which I was on when I was in college!), North Fort Myers, FL for a workcamp on site visit at ECHO and to visit my good friends the Reimers, and finally in Orlando, FL to spend some time with the current BVS orientation that will begin this Sunday!

Needless to say I'm a tad bit excited for all of that!

Last night during the staff retreat at the CoB offices we sang the hymn "In the bulb there is a flower" and one line stood out to me over the rest in that moment. And I'll leave you with that thought:

"In the cold and snow of winter, there's a spring that waits to be"

Well, I might not have to wait until spring to find some warmer weather, but it still is a wonderful line. One to give us all a sense of hope and what is to come in the future!

Silly Faces

2009-01-19T21:49:00.012-06:00

So lately I've found it impossible to actually smile normally into any camera that is pointed at me. Especially Bekah's. It's a strange phenomenon for sure. But it's one that I kinda like. It's a time when I can express myself in any way that I want to. I don't know if this change means that I'm more confident in who I am, or if it means that I'm less confident, or if it's just a silly side of me that is yearning to get out in this time of seriousness.

So since these silly pictures are popping up other places and they make myself and others so incredibly happy, I thought I'd share two of my favorites on here too! Enjoy!

In the Still of the Night

2009-01-13T12:41:00.002-06:00

So last night we were under a blizzard warning and Beth and I decided we needed to go run a few errands. The snow had actually stopped falling and we felt comfortable going out for a little bit. We proceeded to clean off the van and when Beth was about to back down the drive she said "there's a fox!" And sure enough a fox was trotting down the street as sure as can be. We ended up following the little guy down the road a bit before he headed into a yard, hopping through the snow as he went.

There is such an added calm when the world is covered with a thick layer of white. Everything becomes still and silent. Colors seem even more vibrant against the whiteness of the snow. I was remembering last night just how much I loved going walking during college in the middle of the night. Especially when there was snow on the ground. It made me smile to think of those midnight adventures.

Good Things

2009-01-10T22:07:00.003-06:00

snow falling, talking to my younger cousin on G-chat, youth calling me, eating chicken and mushroom and pineapple pizza, sleeping in, the color green, a clean room, The Irish Tenors, seeing my housemates happy, Frisbee, reading by the light of a headlamp, drinking a mango smoothie, getting an e-mail or letter from a friend, seeing a snowy hill full of sledders, crying just because you haven't had a good cry in awhile, seeing my bracelet that a loved one made me just because she could, when someone tells me I have a beautiful smile

A Fine Frenzy

2009-01-10T21:23:00.000-06:00

So at work I typically turn on Pandora to play quietly in the background. The music helps me to focus on what it is I'm trying to do. Well it usually does anyway. So as part of Pandora you can share stations with friends and my good friend Beth created one based on the group A Fine Frenzy which I had never heard of before but whom I enjoy now. So I'll listen to them from time to time. I don't know why they came to mind, but their name just struck me as a good way to explain my life right now.

My life currently consists of a fine frenzy of events. I feel like I'm being pulled in twenty million different directions, some of which I can control and others that I cannot. I feel very emotionally bogged down. Lately I can't seem to find a happy medium of just that, being happy. I've got a lot going on that keeps my mind very occupied.

Everything from trying to figure out the secret to getting more people interested in spending a year doing voluntary services, to preparing myself mentally and physically to travel to Nigeria. I'm also struggling with how to have meaningful friendships with people who seem to want more than I am capable of giving them but who I do want to be friends with. It's not something that I'm used to dealing with.

I find myself day dreaming of the day when I can have my own place. It will be a bright and airy space, full of natural light during the day and energy efficient lighting during the evenings. A place where everyone is welcome, to come and visit and stay a day, or two or twenty. These are the things that you realize when living in community. I just said the other day that I was surprised at the great community that I found here and now I think that I take it for granted. It's hard sometimes to find a balance of being together in this house that sometimes seems like a sorority house (six girls living together), or retirement community (it's often that we all pull out the mind sharpening games and knitting/crocheting), or summer camp (gotta love those crazy fun games).

Life as I know it is crazy or mad, but it all is wonderful and I wouldn't trade these years for anything. It's hard to keep that in mind all the time, when things might not be going as well as maybe I think they should. But I also don't believe that things that are worth having come easy.

Almost Christmas

2008-12-23T18:44:00.001-06:00

So it is almost Christmas and to me it feels as though it could be any other time of year. You know all those movies where the main story involves a couple trying to avoid Christmas? Well I feel the exact opposite. I want to enjoy Christmas, but I just can't seem to find it anywhere. Maybe that's because I've been traveling from place to place these past few weeks, I don't know. It's kind of depressing in many ways because I do enjoy Christmas so much.

This year in many ways I have been frustrated about what Christmas has come to mean. I think that we have become way too materialistic. But while I feel that way and I think that, I have found myself caught up in the hustle and bustle of buying gifts too. Not showing up empty handed, as though there is a standard that I need to keep. Where is the balance and how do I find it? I have an alternate gift idea for friends and family, but yet I don't think it's enough. Why is that? Why can't we simply give each other the gift of love and companionship and let that be enough?

~Sigh~

Well I figure that I still have some time for it to really feel like Christmas. It could be that tomorrow night during the Christmas eve service when I'm surrounded by friends and family and celebrating the birth of Christ that the meaning of the season will kick in, but it's hard to say.

Cat's Out of the Bag

2008-12-17T11:48:00.000-06:00

So I've been planning for more than a month now to come out to Colorado to surprise one of my best friends. And here I sit in her apartment after arriving yesterday afternoon. Needless to say, she had no idea that I was coming! That's one nice thing about her parents living close by. They were able to pick me up and deliver me very easily and I was very thankful for that!

It's hard for me to believe that I'm really out here in Colorado, one of my favorite places, hanging out with one of my most favorite people in the world.

I always love the time I get to spend with Elizabeth. I forget when we're not together just how similar we are. We're both incredibly graceful (hahaha). We both love to be outdoors. We both love to travel and see new places. We both have no idea what we want to do with our lives but we know that we want what we do to make a difference. We can be ourselves around each other and talk about anything and everything and know that whatever we say, whatever we do, it will be okay. We're pretty lucky to have found each other way back when right after we both graduated high school and ended up at the same workcamp in Puerto Rico. I just don't know what I'd do without her!

Blowin' in the Wind

2008-12-09T16:02:00.000-06:00

For some reason this song has really struck a chord with me lately. So I thought I'd share!

"Blowin' In The Wind" (Bob Dylan)

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Copyright ©1962; renewed 1990 Special Rider Music

Snow

2008-12-07T19:50:00.001-06:00

I love that when the weather here calls for snow that it does actually snow! Not like Virginia where they call for snow, and then school gets canceled because they think it's gonna be a big one and then it ends up being 60 degrees outside!

It's lovely when it's falling. As it glistens in the light. The way the wind makes it swirl to the ground. Wavy snowdrifts piling up all over the place in intricate patterns.

Pure white snow before it has been walked on or plowed is one of my favorite things. I don't consider there to be enough snow until the tips of the grasses are covered, which around here can take awhile because of all the longer grasses that grow.

I'm such a dork I know. But what can I say, I love the snow. I love to watch it fall. I love the silence it brings. Most of the people around here groan and say that I can have it all, that they don't want any of it! But I think it is absolutely beautiful.

I know that snow causes lots of problems, accidents on the roadways, extremely cold weather, but what can I say I'm an optimist when it comes to things such as snow. I'd rather focus on the pleasantries rather than some of the not so nice aspects.

It's a lesson that goes way beyond snow, but still, what else can I say other than I love snow!

Likes

2008-12-02T11:25:00.001-06:00

One of my good friends takes time most everyday to write down the good parts of the day. I think it's a great thing to do. Helps me to find the good things in life, both large and small, so I think I might do this from time to time...hope she doesn't mind! :)

Things I like:

riding the train, creating ice skating routines with my little cousins, baking Christmas cookies, waking up with a cat sleeping at my feet, SNOW!, the blooming rose bush in my office, curling up in a giant arm chair with a blanket and a good book, making Amish Friendship Bread, eating grilled cheese sandwiches grilled to perfection,

Me Time

2008-11-24T18:16:00.001-06:00

So those of you who see me everyday are more aware of this than those of you who are farther away. I haven't been myself lately. I don't know if I can pin-point why that is, or when it happened, but it has become very evident that something hasn't quite right these past few days. So I've been taking lots of me time to start making it better. It was pointed out to me by several people I'm very close with that I haven't really slowed down since June. These past few weeks I haven't had any trips to prepare for or go on, so I've had more time to just 'be.' And while that has been great my thoughts have had the time to catch up with me. Needless to say there is a lot going on in my head these days!

I was able to take a couple days off from work so that I could do nothing. I had no idea what to do with myself. So I did laundry. The monotonous job can really do wonders sometimes! Laundry and dishes are really soothing to me these days. During those two days and the monotonous work I was able to do a lot of thinking things through which was really good for me.

I am doing better now and at least from my perspective I think I'm becoming the normal 'me' again, whoever that might be. I'm able to laugh with my friends and have a good time. I haven't been able to do that for awhile. Now it seems I can't stop! The other night we were all invited to dinner at a friend's house and Beth, Meghan and I played Dutch Blitz...well, kind of. We started out playing the actual card game and then before long a new game emerged. The rules of the new version were simple: throw all the cards at one another and see what happens! We were all laughing so hard and we couldn't stop! It was amazing. We all laughed the deep belly laugh that doesn't always come out.

My strange mood could be partly due to many things. The colder weather settling in all around us, the time change making it dark by the time we get home, the upcoming holiday season and wishing it was here now. Who knows. But I do know that I am doing better. And that makes me happy. This most recent change gives me something to hold on to.

Here's something I wrote several years ago. I think it's quite fitting for this stage of my life too.

"Even through the darkness there is light around the corner just waiting to be seen...it's just a matter of finding it and feeling it's warm glow upon your heart."

I'm getting closer to that light. I'm feeling warmer every day. It's a wonderful feeling. But at the same time I won't forget what I've gone through because I need to process it and learn from it. And that's what I intend to do.

The Red Tree

2008-11-17T11:46:00.000-06:00

The Red Tree by Shaun Tan

sometimes the day begins
with nothing to look forward to

and things go from bad to worse

darkness overcomes you

nobody understands

the world is a deaf machine

without sense or reason

sometimes you wait

and wait

and wait

and wait

and wait

and wait

and wait

but nothing ever happens

then all your troubles come at once

wonderful things are passing you by

terrible fates are inevitable

sometimes you just don't know what you are supposed to do

or

who you are meant to be

or

where you are

and the day seems to end the way it began

but suddenly there it is right in front of you

bright and vivid

quietly waiting

just as you imagined it would be

This children's book was handed to me this morning by one of the girls in my office. When I oppened it I had no idea what the story line would be. I found that the story resonated with me more than I thought possible.

I'm looking for my 'red tree.'

A Good Tired

2008-11-15T23:27:00.000-06:00

I'm tired. But it's a good tired.

Today I got up early to brave the cold and the wind and collect seeds for a local preserve who is working to replant prairie around here. Here is what I experienced in a nut shell.

Prairie grasses do block the wind to a degree, but the grasses also get in your face, poke your eyes and go up your nose.

Mountain Mint, Nodding Wild Onion, and Drop Seed are all plants that are native to a prairie ecosystem and they all have really tiny seeds.

When in the prairie it is possible to see lots of deer and pick out a flock of cranes flying overhead.

It is possible to lose yourself in the middle of a sea of golden grass that is taller than your head.

I'm really good at focusing on finding one plant species...until I'm not. My short attention span gets in the way! And when you're out in the prairie there are dozens of plants surrounding you all the time and it's easy to lose focus! And then my mind starts to wander and then I forget what I'm doing and then I remember and have to retrain my eyes for the one kind of plant I'm looking for.

Being in the middle of a prairie only 30 minutes from Chicago is totally possible. And with the exception of the traffic pollution, you think that you're in the middle of no where. It's amazing.

Looking up and realizing you can't see anyone in your work group anymore is a semi nerve wracking event.

Spending a day with my Frisbee friends outside of actually playing Frisbee is a wonderful thing and I hope to keep it up!

Going out into a large field, getting outside, enjoying a brisk fall/winter morning, becoming one with nature, collecting seeds that will go to restart another prairie, is an awesome thing.

I Need a Hobby

2008-11-12T14:58:00.000-06:00

I have decided that I need a hobby.

Now-a-days it is getting dark really early and it will soon be consistently cold and snowy and gray outside most days. A typical day for me is to come to work until 4:30 and then head to the Y before having dinner with the girls. It's a great routine until I get to the after dinner hours. I have found that I have nothing constructive to do. I'll just go and sit at my computer in the hopes that someone will have e-mailed me or started chatting with me online. I don't like this b/c I spend my days at work sitting in front of a computer and I want to get away from it in the evenings. This is hard to do when there isn't anything else to do!

So I have decided that I need a hobby. Something to do that is somewhat constructive, but at the same times allows me to escape into myself and just be.

So yes, I need a hobby (or two). Any suggestions?

Food for Thought

2008-11-09T18:47:00.000-06:00

So I just got back from a youth retreat with several of the youth from Highland Avenue and I have a few random thoughts I'd like to share; some things I've been thinking about!

First, it was really cool for me to spend the weekend with Laura, Nate and Carson, three youth from HACoB. It was one of the first times that I've been able to have one on one time with them and it was really great! Great for all of us I think!

On the first night we were asked to come up with a three word biography for ourselves. Here's mine: Relationships, Service, Questioning

So you know how everyone says that it's always better to give rather than receive? Well what happens if you give and give and give and you get nothing in return? I'm all for giving of myself, but if you're always giving it's really quite exhausting. It's just an interesting concept, that I agree with, but at the same time struggle with.

Andy and Terry Murray gave a concert this weekend and their songs always speak to me. I didn't grow up listening to their music, but now that I do, it's a great thing. Some of my favorites are Goodbye Still Night, Brave Man from Ohio, and One Person at a Time. Each of these songs give me hope while also helping to ask the tough questions of what I think and believe.

Goodbye Still Night:
"Power to live. Courage to fly. Goodbye still night. We're watching the sun come up from the mountain. Standing stright up to life. Lookin it in the eye. Stretchin our arms out. Shakin hands with the sky. Filling up our cup at the crystal fountain."

Brave Man from Ohio:
"Of how he dreamed of a peaceful world, where life would be sweet and good. Oh, I'm not afraid to be here friends, I'm not afraid to die. I just can't shake this feeling inside we can live together if we try. Give me a shovel instead of a gun, lend me a hand for now. And if we die we'll die makin somethin' instead of tearin somethin down."

One Person at a Time:
"Oh the world's so big and I'm so small. It hardly seems I matter at all. Sometimes I think I'd like to do something to help out with all the problems of the world but whenever I sit down and think it through I always wonder what can one person do? "

One final thing. I think about the idea of memories all the time. Sometimes, I want to be able to write everything down and record it so that it is preserved forever. Then other times I realize that our mind works in such a way that it already is preserved. I love the fact that I'll be talking to someone, or listening to them, and through that conversation a memory will come to the front of my mind which then leads to many other memories. For example, on Friday as we were driving to Peoria to the youth retreat Laura was trying so hard to remember a camp song. Once she did I realized that I knew it and we started to sing it together. As a result of that, I began to think back to my summer at Camp Swatara where I had learned that song. And then I began to think about the people I worked with and the awesome summer that I had. A specific memory came to mind, one where all of the summer staff was walking to family camp for church one Sunday morning at the beginning of the summer and we sang this song. The only thing was at that time I didn't even know the song really well to be able to join in. But I was able to enjoy the rest of the group singing. I really enjoy it when I think of things I hadn't thought of in awhile (especially when it's a good thing!). It's fun to take a walk down memory lane as they say.

A Bit of Jazz

2008-11-07T08:22:00.000-06:00

So for the first time in my life I think, I've actually wanted to listen to jazz music! It's funny for me to say that because I've been listening to jazz for years. My brother, Leroy, is a musician (and a pretty good one at that!) and growing up I always had to go to his jazz concerts. Now granted they have gotten much better and much more enjoyable over the years, it's just that jazz wasn't my thing.

So last night I was sitting in my room listening to music on my computer and a song by Thelonius Monk came on. Without realizing it I begain moving my head along with the beat and tapping my toes on the floor. Eventually I stopped what I was doing because it became apparent that I was in the mood for some jazz! So I took a second to make it so that my computer would only play jazz music.

Then this morning while I was getting ready for work I turned the jazz music on again! And now I'm rocking out to it here at work! I guess it's a jazz kind of day!

Hello November!

2008-11-04T13:01:00.000-06:00

Happy November! Here in Elgin we brought in the new month with a house full of friends and family! One of the BVS House traditions is to have a Halloween Party and invite people from the offices and from church and so we threw in a handful of our friends to that bunch! For our party we had a music theme and all of us girls picked different music genres to dress up as. I represented 'classical music' so I was a maestro for the evening. I wore a black dress suit complete with a bow tie and a conductors baton. My hair was done up in a crazy up-do for the night, which let me tell you was a painful process! I hardly ever do anything with my hair...it's either up, or it's down.

Other music genres represented were jazz, musicals, punk rock, rap, and disco. We asked our guests to come dressed as something musical and they sure did step up to the challenge! One of our friends came dressed as a microphone! It was amazing! It was a fun night of laughter, LOTS of food and tons of fun to say the least!

We had four friends who came into town for the weekend, mostly for the party, but also just to come and visit! On Saturday most of the housemates went into Chicago to see the musical Wicked (which was fitting because two of them dressed up as characters from Wicked for Halloween!) and had a great outing to the city. I on the other hand chose to stay at home and relax with my friend Amber and we had a fun day of our own watching movies, playing Frisbee and babysitting. Well, I guess maybe it wasn't relaxing, but it sure was fun!

As the weekend went on, it became more apparent to me just how tired I was. I worked to find a few minutes here and there to go down to my room and to just sit and 'be,' which was a good thing for me to do. To put it plain and simple: I was peopled out. It's hard work traveling from place to place and always putting on a happy face and being social all the time. Even in the homes that I was put up in while traveling, that takes work too! And then to come back to a house full of people to entertain, as happy as I was that they were all there, it was still exhausting! But I wouldn't trade it for the world!

After all the traveling I've done these past two months it is really nice to be back in the office for longer than a few days. This is my first full week in the BVS office since I started here back in September! How crazy is that!? It is also a bit overwhelming since I'm not used to being in the office...I'm not quite sure what to do with myself!

I realized something interesting this morning. I went over to talk to Dana as I do most days (yes, believe it or not, we do get work done) and she was working on a worship service and was a bit stuck on what to do with it. So I asked her what she had so far and as she was telling me my mind started to fill with ideas that she might be able to use. My realization is that I really enjoy doing that kind of creative thinking. But then again I also just love working with Dana! We both think in different ways, but it's great because together we can come up with some pretty great stuff!

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how I really would like to get in touch again with my degree in Environmental Science. And wouldn't you know an opportunity has come my way! I met this guy, Ryan, while playing Frisbee here and he works for the Audubon Society. Typically I don't see my Frisbee friends outside of our weekly disc times but yesterday Ryan was here in the offices because he is going to give ideas and suggestions to our grounds manager about bringing in some native vegetation on our property. So Ryan and I got to talking a bit and he was telling me about some up coming opportunities to help re-seed some areas around here to go back to the natural prairie habitat that used to cover this area entirely. So I think I'm gonna try to do some of that volunteer work on Saturdays when I'm able to and I'm really excited about that!

Good Day

2008-10-28T21:26:00.000-05:00

It's been a good day for me.

I haven't been able to say that for awhile to say the least!

Today, I got up crazy early (4:16am to be exact) and left Elgin, IL for McPherson, KS. The getting up early was not necessarily the good part. The good part was that I was able to sleep the entire first flight from Midway to Atlanta and then doze from Atlanta to Wichita.

Oh and while I was at the airport I spent some time browsing through books which I love to do so that made me quite happy. Another part of the good day.

Then, when I landed in Wichita I had no idea who was going to be picking me up, but it was Jan Hurst whom I have known for several years now since my time in Westminster, MD, and we had a fabulous lunch at a Chinese restaurant complete with great conversation. Another excellent part of the good day.

We made it to McPherson without a problem and I was able to set up my display and the simplicity of the design and the new look I gave my temporary display made me really happy. It is inviting and open for people to come to if they choose. It's different from the other displays we've been using in the past. Somewhat simpler. I like it. And it added to my good day!

And THEN tonight I had several great phone conversations tonight with several good friends and my dad! I was able to talk to one of my best friends, Annie, whose wedding I was just in to see how she's doing now that she's Mrs. Smith to the world. And then since I was wandering around the McPherson College campus and stumbled on a mens soccer game I decided to call my dad and I was on the phone with him for 10 minutes! That's like a record! (Love you Daddy!) And then after that I called my good friend Amber and we chatted for awhile talking about plans for this upcoming weekend which was fun. Then I briefly talked with a friend from college, Chase, who I had lost touch with for awhile, so it's really great that we're reconnecting again! All of these conversations put me in a great mood! So good!

And tonight I look some time with Jan to look over some of my favorite artsy pictures that I've taken over the past few years. Not only am I proud of some of them, but they bring back many great memories! More goodness!

I just hope that I didn't use all my goodness in one day. But it is noted in the record books that today was a good day.

That is all.

Something New

2008-10-27T08:50:00.001-05:00

So I have started trying something new to help me to relax and calm down a bit. The past three mornings while I've been getting ready I've been listening to songs and prayers from the Taize Community. I was looking through the music on my iPod and I had forgotten that those chants and songs were there. I learned about Taize last year after attending several Taize based worship services here at the office so it is a relatively new type of prayer to me.

For those of you who may not be familiar with Taize:
"Singing is one of the most essential elements of worship. Short songs, repeated again and again, give it a meditative character. Using just a few words they express a basic reality of faith, quickly grasped by the mind. As the words are sung over many times, this reality gradually penetrates the whole being. Meditative singing thus becomes a way of listening to God. It allows everyone to take part in a time of prayer together and to remain together in attentive waiting on God, without having to fix the length of time too exactly." (www.taize.fr)

This meditative aspect is what resonates with me. Singing the same words over and over again helps to clear my mind and refreshes me. Often times the words are in a different language and typically songs are sung in a canon.

So yeah, I think this is the start of something good for me. There is a lot going on in my life these days so it's nice to have something that helps to relax and soothe me at the beginning of the day. We'll see how it goes!

Forward Motion

2008-10-25T16:59:00.001-05:00

Here I am for one of the first times in awhile sitting at home on a Saturday, just having gotten back from playing Ultimate Frisbee and wasting time before going to a dinner at church and I'm exhausted. I have no energy to be doing anything other than sitting. I don't really want to talk to anyone. When people ask me questions, I can't bring myself to answer them. I need a time to rest and rejuvenate myself and I'm not quite sure when that is going to happen. My life is always going in a forward motion and I just don't know how to make it slow down if not stop entirely.

There's never enough time to do everything that I find myself wanting to do and yet on the other hand there's never time to just stop everything. There's always a football game to try to get to or a soccer game to try to support my youth. There's church related events to go to and church itself. There is everything at work that keeps me on my toes traveling from one place to the next. There's trying to hang out with people who I haven't had time to see in months or really spend some quality time with such as my adopted family from church, or co-workers, or friends in general. There just isn't time for it all.

And it's not even as though I'm trying to make time for it all, it's just I'm really exhausted right now and while the end is in sight it isn't here yet. You'd think that I'd be able to enjoy my weekend, but instead it's been filled up with all sorts of things. Which, truth be told is probably my own fault. I'm known for packing every little thing possible into a day or into a trip as possible. I think I need to take some lessons on just being instead of trying to fit everything in possible...any suggestions?

As a random side note I have found myself cleaning my life up a little bit. Not in any serious ways really, but trying to clean up the clutter that is my life these days. You know, thinking to myself 'well I don't really need that anymore' and so I decide to get rid of it if it's possible!

October

2008-10-23T08:26:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in my office in Elgin wondering where the time has gone and what it is that I've been doing this month! I find it hard to believe that it we are getting close to the end of yet another month. I have found myself all over the country since October began, traveling for work and for fun. This latest trip had me back in the Valley for a week followed by a few days in Boston.

Let me tell you, it was so great to be back in the Valley at home for a few days. I am really enjoying my time out here in Elgin (and everywhere else I end up!), but when I get to go home it makes me extremely happy! And to be there for the first time in three years during the fall was a real treat. A good friend of mine, Jerry, came down to visit for a few days and we were able to enjoy the beautiful weather and head up into the Skyline Drive and go hiking and enjoy the scenery for an afternoon.

The week was also spent helping one of my best friends, Annie, get ready for her wedding! It was an aboslutely beautiful day, perfect for a fall wedding. The church where the wedding was is out in the country set atop a hill with mountains in the backdrop. There were so many rich and beautiful colors, reds and oranges, in the trees and flowers. The sky was a beautiful blue with white puffy clouds. Absolutely georgous. The perfect day for a wedding.

From there I went to Boston for a Volunteers Exploring Vocation event where about 45 former volunteers were brought in to spend three days together listening to professors speak about their calling and how they life their lives. We also were led in sessions by John Bell from the Iona Community in Scotland. It was a whirlwind of a trip that has led to even more questioning than I already had. But I will say that while I am questioning my faith and what my life will bring I have come to a point where I need to 'be' for awhile and work to live my life as it is. Many of the former volunteers left our time in Boston energized with a new sense of hope. I left Boston exhausted; emotionally, physically, and mentally.

I'm beginning to think more and more about the possibility of doing a different form of service at some point. One where I will be interacting with people and creating relationships and doing a more of a hands on service than what I'm doing now. Who knows what my future might bring my way!

Sannu!

2008-09-29T12:40:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm gonna try this again. I don't think that I'm cut out for blogging! I keep forgetting to write on this thing and when I do remember I don't have the time or energy! So here's the latest from my end...

At the beginning of the month I started my second year of service doing recruitment work for BVS and while I have no idea what I'm doing, it's going well! :)

I was in the office for a little more than a week before leaving for my first recruitment trip and now I find myself on the tail end of a two week trek. I started out by driving about 15 hours or so with Beth and Callie (two of my co-workers on the BVS team) going from Elgin, IL to New Windsor, MD in one day. Needless to say once we got to New Windsor we all slept quite well! The next day I was able to head up to Lancaster, PA to visit with my good friend Stefan before he flew back to Germany the next day. I was so thankful for that visit because I really wasn't sure if I was going to get to see him before he left! The weekend was spent visiting with two youth groups in PA, one in York and the other in Harleysville and talking with them about BVS. It was so great to reconnect with these youth because they were some of my workcampers this past summer and I love them all dearly!

From there I went to Juniata College in Huntington, PA for a few days to promote BVS and meet with students who are interested in serving at some point or another. As far as I understand it most of my traveling will be to colleges to try to recruit people who are interested in BVS. It was so great to be at Juniata, one because I'd never been there and several of my good friends went there and two, because I got to hang out with two good friends of mine while I was there.

Then it was time to head back down to New Windsor for our 60th anniversary for the Brethren Volunteer Service and it was really great to participate in that event. I got back to New Windsor on Wednesday with the intention of spending some time with the current volunteer unit orientation that is going on right now. They are truly a special group and it was so much fun to spend time with them! They have a lot to offer and I can't wait to hear their stories as they go out and start at their projects. I was able to go with them to a woman's house in PA where we learned all about what nutrients weeds have to offer us and we went on a weed walk and then drank a smoothie that was made out of various weeds and seeds. It was pretty darn good!

So then this weekend was the actual celebration and it was really awesome to have 300 or more volunteers, or supporters of BVS gathered together for a weekend. It was a relatively informal time for people to gather with friends and talk and catch up with one another. I didn't have a lot to do, but one thing I did do was to be the MC at our Saturday evening Banquet which put me way outside of my comfort zone, but it went really well and I was even able to make a few jokes as part of it! It was just such a great place to be and it is so awesome to be part of this program.

Then after the program was over my roommate from college, Justine, came up to visit me! We hadn't seen each other since we graduated from Bridgewater in 2007 which is crazy! We had a great visit and we actually left campus for awhile to go and get away so that I could focus on our visit rather than on everything else that was going on!

Now I'm in the last leg of this trip and I'm currently at Elizabethtown College for a couple days before finally heading back to Elgin. I'd never been to E-Town before and this is an absolutely beautiful campus. I find it very welcoming and open and I've enjoyed my time here so far.

I am looking forward to heading back to Elgin in a couple days but I won't be there for very long because at the end of the week I'll be heading to Manchester College for a regional youth conference as well as for my college visit there. Then after that I'll be heading home to Bridgewater for about a week! Needless to say I'm just going to keep on keepin on!

I am enjoying this job. I'm still trying to figure out what it means to me and how I'm going to work to make it my own. As of right now I've been mostly doing exactly what has been done in the past but I've got some ideas that are forming in my mind so we'll just have to wait and see what comes of that!

There are many exciting things coming up in the next few months. One of my best friends, Anne, is getting married next month and I'm so excited for her! I've also have a trip to Boston coming up and I've never been there and I'll be there towards the end of October and I think it will be beautiful at that time! Just last night I talked with my aunt about going to their house for Thanksgiving, so it sounds like I'll be heading to the Twin Cities in MN for the holiday. And THEN I'm planning on going to Nigeria for the month of February on a workcamp with the Church of the Brethren to build and to create relationships with people in Nigeria as well as others on the trip. I'm hoping to learn some Hausa before I go!

Well I think that might be it for now. There is just so much going on these days and I have so many thought in my head but I wanted to catch you all up a little bit!

Peace and Blessings to you!

A Mini Vacation

2008-09-07T21:18:00.000-05:00

Here I am in the Twin Cities in the wonderful state of Minnesota and for the past four days I've been visiting with my dad's family who live out here! My parents arrived in the Chicagoland area on Labor Day after spending almost 24 hours on the train coming out from VA. We spent some time in Elgin so that they could see where I am living and working. Both mom and dad had been to Elgin before but it had been quite awhile so it was nice for them to reconnect a bit with both the area and with various people who now live in Elgin that they knew during their time in West Africa. We took time to relax and eat lots of good food before getting on the train again to come out here.

Since we got here late Wednesday evening I've seen my grandparents and my aunts and uncles and cousins, went to a Twins baseball game, worked on my photography skills by attempting to take photos of the jewelry my aunt made, played miniature golf, visited a local conservatory and saw LOTS of plants, had a sleepover with two of my younger cousins complete with a giggle fest, went to church with my aunt and uncle, played cards, hung out with my mom and dad, and simply did the family thing.

Early tomorrow morning I'll be getting back on the train to make the eight hour train ride back to Elgin and I think I'm ready for that. It was a short visit, but I'm looking forward to getting back to my house in Elgin and I'm really excited to be there for more than a week before my next great adventure begins. Before my parents arrived I had been working really hard at making my new room my own while making it comfortable for me to live in and I think I accomplished that! Which didn't make it easy to leave it as soon as it was done!

I'm also excited to get back to my housemates and to get to spend some time with all of them since when I get home tomorrow night for the first time we will all be there together. It's a new year and many exciting things will be taking place and I'm looking forward to the new community that will form. Two housemates moved out and two moved in and we're still working to settle down and see what the year will bring. No matter what though, I think it will be great! But then again what can I say, I'm an optimist! :)

Chaos

2008-08-30T20:40:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't written for a long time but I want you to know that I have sat down several times to catch you up on what is going on with me but the words just haven't been flowing. So here I am sitting down to give it another go and try to catch you up on the last month of my life.

I had the amazing opportunity to go out to Estes Park, Colorado for National Young Adult Conference a few weeks ago and it was such an awesome week. To go from six weeks of being in charge of others to a week of being able to relax and sit and simply be was exactly what I needed. To be in the mountains, be around 130 other Church of the Brethren Young Adults, to worship and talk and listen with others was perfect. It wasn't always easy though, through worship and conversations many questions were brought up and I spent a fair amount of time sitting on a massive wooden porch, lounging either by myself or with others all the while gazing at the Rocky Mountains. It was a great time and while I was sad to see it come to an end I was ready to get back here to Elgin and be in one place for longer than a week at a time.

So now I've been back here in Elgin for about two weeks and in that time I have finished up my work in the Youth and Young Adult Office with the workcamp program and have packed my boxes and made my move to the Brethren Volunteer Service Office. I am now officially part of the BVS team in the role of recruiter. In my first week I have started making contacts for my fall travels (and boy what a schedule it looks like it will be!) and have gone to a mid year retreat for one of the orientation units.

So after a couple weeks of transition both in the office and here at the house (I've moved to a new room) and housemates coming and going things are starting to settle down a little bit. Well, to a degree. I guess you could say that things here never really settle down! Someone is almost always gone on a trip or someone is visiting or we're invited to go somewhere. It is a chaotic life that we live here in Elgin! No worries though, I wouldn't trade it for anything!

They breed em big down here...

2008-08-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

Well, here I am in North Fort Myers Florida and everything down here is huge! From dogs to spiders to mosquitoes...they are all enormous! It's crazy! I finished up in Baltimore on Sunday and immediately got on a plane that brought me down here to Florida. It was a rather tearful departure on my part. I have decided that I really don't like Sunday's at the moment because the past two Sunday's I've had to say goodbye to some really amazingly awesome youth, both junior and senior highs. Jerry and I have talked about the fact that it's just not fair because we get to know these youth in the span of a week and grow to love one another and then it's time to move on. Yes I do understand that typically in the CoB a goodbye is never really a goodbye but an 'I'll see you soon!' moment, but it doesn't make it any easier.

So now here I am in Florida...in August. I mean really, who's idea was this anyways? When I came down to visit last January THAT'S when the workcamp should have been, we're about six months off from the perfect time to be down here! I've already been bitten by mosquitoes about a hundred million times and it's only Tuesday! Sheesh!

Other than the bugs things are going really well. It's a small group, but I'm actually excited about that and I think they all like it too. ECHO is a simply amazing place and I hope that the group will realize all that this organization has to offer and how they are now part of the bigger picture and that they are connected.

I'll write more soon, but for now I must be off. It's time to work again!

Peace and blessings to you!

Oh, and happy August! It's pretty much one of the best months ever, but of course I'm not biased! : )

Hello Hello!

2008-07-31T22:05:00.000-05:00

Hey, it's me again! It sure has been awhile since I checked in with you guys! Things in Chicago finished up so amazing well! I think it has been one of my most favorite workcamps so far! The youth and advisors that were there are just so amazing and I feel oh so very blessed to have gotten the chance to know each and every one of them! Just to clue you all in on the amazingness here are a few highlights from the week:

- -Hand Hugs!
- runnin' the Sharon Shuttle to showers and volleyball
- sand volleyball and sumo wrestling
- standing like a flamingo and being made fun of for it!
- playing Addiction and Palace and Rage and Apples to Apples
- lying on the floor with my legs and feet resting on the wall
- going to the DuPage County Fair
- walking taco's, one of the most amazing meal ideas EVER!
- being serenaded to while driving the Sharon Shuttle
- amazing singing
- laughing to the point that I couldn't breathe with tears rolling down my cheeks
- rockin' out to the YMCA song at the Northern Illinois Food Bank with my youth
- hammocks!
- loosing my keys or my cell phone twenty million times a day
- taking more than 400 pictures during the week
- hitting my head REALLY hard on an open back door of a car
- playing the hand game and making it to ten!! (no worries, if you're interested, Ill teach you!)
- watching my youth read and do math with the youth from the resource center
- rockin' the van at EVERY red light...total chaos!
- the Shedd Aquarium (on a Saturday = bad idea)
- having a hand washing service the last night we were together
- making 38 new totally awesome friends
- saying goodbye to everyone at least twice!

...that only gives you a glimpse of all the things we did during the week and is only a few of the many memories that I will take away from the week. I was so sad to leave that group that I cried during our circle time Saturday night and then again on Sunday once I dropped off the last group where they needed to be. It was so strange not having three dozen people around me all the time and I didn't quite know what to do with myself!

The youth that I met are so talented and caring and compassionate and on fire for life that it was such a gift for me to be around them for a week. If I could I would have kept them all! As tired as I apparently was, when I was with the group I felt like I could just keep going and going just like the Energizer bunny! Then when I was said and done I realized just how tired I really was.

On Monday I traveled to my next workcamp in Baltimore, MD which is where I am now. I got here Monday and the youth arrived Tuesday afternoon. People are always asking me how I am able to do this job and to always keep on going and going day after day, week after week and I tell them that it's not so bad. From time to time I have a low morning or afternoon where I have no energy to speak of and then I take some time to rest and rejuvenate myself. I also have realized that I get a ton of my energy from the youth that I work with each and every day.

For example, this week, I was totally out of it Monday evening and Tuesday morning, but as soon as Tuesday afternoon came around I came out of the trance-like state that I was in and started acting like my usual outgoing self. The junior highers came and voila, I was cured! I was good for the rest of the evening and then for all day Wednesday and then Thursday rolled around and I realized that I needed to take some time to catch up and rest. So after working the morning with part of the group I came back and fell asleep for the afternoon. Apparently this was a pretty amazing feat considering that the youth were apparently really REALLY loud while I was sleeping, but truth be told, I didn't hear an honest thing! I know that Leanna came in at one point and talked to me and I'm pretty sure that I fell asleep again before she was done...whoops!

My good friend Leanne is here working along side me this week and I am oh so very glad for that. She is such a natural with youth and has such an awesome energy about her that works really well for junior high aged kids. She's kept me sane and keeps me smiling as we figure out what the next step is. Honestly she did so much of the behind the scenes work for this particular workcamp that I feel confident to say that it would be okay if I wasn't even here! But I'm really glad that I am because these youth are really awesome.

I know that I've lucked out with the youth that I've had the opportunity to work with and get to know this summer and it's neat to think that one day they will be doing really amazing things with their lives and I can tell people, 'you know I remember him/her when they were at my workcamp in 2008' and that is such an awesome thing! Leanne was actually the one to point that out to me and it's so incredibly true! I feel so privledged to have these many opportunities to work with these guys and every now and then I always have to remind myself that I made a difference in their lives too. It definitely goes both ways and it's amazing.

Oy vey

2008-07-24T22:19:00.001-05:00

I'll have to agree with Dana on this one...the best part about today was when our good friend Alex stopped by the church to surprise us. It was a much needed pick-me-up to say the least. We were in the middle of devotions when one of the advisors got up and left the room and then he came back and got Dana and I was expecting the worst when she motioned to me to come out as well, but when I left our circle there was Alex and I was totally overjoyed and so incredibly happy. We were able to chat for a little bit and catch up awhile. It was so good to simply see him and see how happy he is.

Things are going well here for us in Chicago, but it's very overwhelming at times and I'll go from being really energetic to having no energy whatsoever. Today was the first day that I looked noticeably tired to the group and I know this because they told me so. I haven't been able to do a whole lot of direct work this week with the various projects that the youth have been doing and I understand that sometimes they have to wonder what it is that I do all day and sometimes I even wonder what it is that I do all day.

It's very draining to always know what exactly is going on and trying to stay on top of things in order to keep things running. And people are always coming to me with questions and sometimes I don't know the answers and that can be frustrating but then I work to find the answers and I work to keep things running smoothly. This is one of the first weeks where I haven't felt like I've known what is going on all the time. Since there are three of us working together to keep things going I don't always know everything and we're each working on various projects. Then when people come and tell me something I get caught off guard because I never knew about it to begin with.

As of right now I am extremely tired from spending the entire day out in the sun at the county fair and that is bringing out some more of the frustrations from the day and the week. But all in all this week has simply been amazing and I am feeling extremely blessed and lucky to be here with this group. I told everyone last night that this week was awesome and that I had another workcamp which was very hard for me and in my enjoyment of this week I had totally forgotten about the frustrating week. And that is a good and a bad thing. I think it's great that I've been able to continue on and move forwards in my summer but I also don't want to forget the lessons that I learned that week.

As I'm sitting here in my line of vision is the quote "God grant be the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." So here I sit struggling to let go of the difficulties of the week and to work to make the rest of the week an amazing experience not only for the youth and advisors I'm here to serve, but also to myself and to Dana.

Speaking of Dana, it's been so great having her here with me. She has a great gift with youth and with people of all ages really whether she knows it or not. I wouldn't want to have any other person here working with me this week!

Well since I'm about to collapse I think it's about time for me to go. It's funny, now that I've started this blog I have to keep reminding myself to keep updating it so that all ya'll can know what's going on! So I'll keep trying!

On We Go

2008-07-12T13:48:00.000-05:00

So much has happened in these past few weeks. I had my second week in Neon, KY and boy what a week it was. I had a much smaller group of senior high and young adults and a couple of older adults thrown in. It was definitely a learning experience and one that I haven't quite figured out yet what all I have learned from it! It's going to take awhile to process, but it will come in time. It was an extremely frustrating and trying week, but oddly enough now that it's over, I don't have a whole lot to say about it. I really enjoyed the people that I worked with but there was something about the week that was just totally off. Hmmm, strange...

Anyways, after two weeks in good ol' Neon, I left for Annual Conference in Richmond, VA. I had to drive three hours west in order to come back east...now that really is strange! But that's what happened and after a long day of traveling I made it to conference and it was so fabulous to be there! I went to my first conference three years ago and now I'm totally hooked! It was great to reconnect with friends and family and take the time to reflect on the past month of workcamps and have a brief break before the next wave of workcamps begin! I had no specific jobs to do during the days and so I was able to do what I love best...talk and hang out with the youth! I hung out with youth I already knew and I met some new ones! Gotta love em!

So after some relatively free days in Richmond hanging out with friends and family I headed home to spend a few days at home in Bridgewater. For the most part I had nothing specifically planned other than a brunch with Anne and her bridal party and a family reunion but those of you who know me well know that while I try to not plan my time in it's entirety it never works. So I was running all over the place try to hang out with my best friends and others who still live in and around Bridgewater. One totally awesome thing was that I got to spend a lot of time with my good friend Lisa both at conference and at home. We hung out at the Bridgewater lawn party most evenings and ate a ton of food and did a lot of people watching and more catching up. As silly as it sounds I was pretty excited to find out that the lawn party was going on at the same time that I would be home. It's fun to go and see people, some you want to see and others that you hoped you would never see again!

Needles to say I had a good time at home and then it was time to head back out here to Illinois to regroup and prepare myself for my next workcamp. Over the years I have turned flying into a fine art. Most of the time I am able to fall asleep before the plane takes off, wake up when the beverage service comes through and then fall asleep again, waking up only when the plane lands. It's an amazing thing and this trip was no different! It sure does make the plane ride go by much faster!

It's hard to believe that half the summer is over, but I'm moving forward and things look really good for this week in Chicago, so more to come!

Last On the Hill

2008-07-05T15:01:00.000-05:00

Well, this is the quietest it has been on the Hill here in Neon for a week but only because I'm the only one here! Everyone left this morning and it was a bitter sweet time. I was looking forward to the end of the week so that I would have some time to rest, but at the same time it's hard to say good bye to these awesome youth that I've been blessed to know. They never cease to amaze me and bring be great joy and this is why I absolutely love my job. There was one young man who was always quick to answer and who seemed a bit rough around the edges, but this morning I received the most amazing hug from him. I truly feel touched and blessed by having the opportunity to spend the week with this guy and to watch him interact with the other youth and knowing that there is so much more to him than the 'mean guy' face that he puts on. He always gave me a hard time whenever I would ask him to do something, but then he would do it and he would do it well. Amazing young man... I could go on and on about each of these youth, but that would take a long time! All I know is that it is so great to be able to look back at the lists that I've been using for the past six months and realize that I now know all of those people personally!

This week Steve and I had the group write affirmations for each other and all in all I think that went over really really well. Some people saw it as a chore but others used it as more of a reason to get to know others in the group better so that they could write more personalized comments to one another. I got a lot of affirmation and encouragement in my bag and many memories were written down. I think we can all use a bit of affirmation in our lives, it is always so encouraging and uplifting and it's what makes us tick: to know that someone cares and is paying attention and that they believe in you. I believe in all these youth and I know that each one of them has such great potential and my life has purpose because of them.

It is quiet on the Hill but everwhere I go there's a memory of some kind. There is the crazy four square court where we played using rules I haven't used since elementary school, there's the ping pong table where we played a crazy version of ping pong but it got more than two people involved, there's the gravel area where we had devotions each morning and a water balloon fight one afternoon, there's the corner couch that I think at one point at at least ten people sitting on it, there's the ball field where we played a massive game of kickball and then soccer, there's the mural that some of my group painted so we could leave our physical mark here, there's the curbs in Neon that look amazing and bright with their new coat of paint, there's the dryer that was prayed for so that laundry could be done and then we realized it wasn't plugged in (hehehe), there's the hillside that we all crawled over trying to cut down brush, and the list goes on and on. Each week this place is lived and and loved. It's a bit rusty around the edges, but it sure does become home pretty fast!

I'll say it again and again, this is such a great place to be. The people friendly and welcoming and helpful and they always tell you to come back and see em when you're next in town. I'm happy that I get to stay and work with these people for another week. It's gonna be a totally different experience, but it's gonna be a great one!

Beautiful Country

2008-07-01T09:01:00.000-05:00

Well here I am in the beautiful state of Kentucky at my next workcamp. All I have to say (but not really) is that it is sooooo amazing to be back in the mountains! Everything here is so green and absolutely gorgeous. I've been here since Saturday and all my kids got here on Sunday. It's kinda cool because the majority of the group is from the Bridgewater area! There's also a group from Indiana and then one really cool kid from Pennsylvania. Most people round these parts have amazing accents and I could sit and listen to them talk for hours on end. We're working with HOMES, Inc (Housing Oriented Ministry Established for Service) and they work to obtain land and then build homes that people around here can afford due to the many grants they receive and through the volunteers that come in and help. It is a great program and although they are struggling financially, they are doing what they can to help the surrounding communities.

All in all it's a great group, lots of energy and willingness to serve others. It isn't always easy though, sometimes I feel as though I'm pulling teeth to get them to volunteer to do something. It's hard though because they were coming with the expectation of doing demolition work and building but so far no one has done much of that, or they have done it indirectly. So far we've been pulling nails out of boards so they can be sold and reused, cut and burned brush and debris, painted road curbs and worked to hang sheetrock (drywall) for a local community center that will (hopefully) be opened next month.

The community center that we're working at is such a great project because of what that center will mean to the community when it's done. We are in the heart of Appalachia and there are two jobs here: mining and logging. These 'towns' that we're working in are coal towns and most of the houses used to belong to the local company and everyone got their goods at the company store. So the community center that is being finished was built on the foundation from the company store that used to be in McRoberts. The area has a high drug rate even among adults and the elderly. The center will offer a place for youth to go and hang out in a safe space rather than being out in the hollows getting into trouble. They have plans for a pool table, a ping-pong table, big screen TV and lounge space and then a room for computers that will have Internet access and a crafting room. It is really exciting and I know that a lot of people are really excited for it to be up and running.

It really is such an interesting area in so many ways. And many people around here have similar stories. There are two predominate ones. First, there are the people who were born here and never leave, they choose to work the mines or do whatever work they can. Or, some people, after they go to school, realize they need to leave in order to find a job so they leave for 30 or 40 years, but then they come back. It is amazing how many people decide to come back to this area. And honestly, I can see why. As I said earlier it's beautiful country here. Yeah there's a lot of 'stuff' to deal with, but the people love it here. It's what they know. I know that I absolutely love coming here, it really is a great place to be. The people take the time to slow down and relax and enjoy life. It isn't easy, but then again what is?

Ah the Memories

2008-06-27T08:21:00.000-05:00

So last night I was helping out with Vacation Bible School at the Highland Avenue CoB and while I was working I began to think back to when I went to VBS as a kid. My most absolute favoritest VBS was when we did the Market Place. It was so great because we could move around from stall to stall doing various projects like tying knots to make a fishing net, pouring hot wax into sand to make candles, eating food and a dozen other things! I can remember doing this several years in a row both at the Bridgewater CoB and at the Dayton CoB. It was a good time as far as I can remember!

So then right after I helped with VBS last night, I met with David and I began to think even more about growing up in the church and all the memories I have at the old Bridgewater CoB. Everytime I go into that building the memories always come flooding back. From remembering where I always sat with my grandparents in the front right of the sanctuary, usually in the third or fourth pew, playing hangman or connected the dots with my cousins. There there were the times where all the kids in the congregation would race down to the kitchen after communion was over so that we could get some of the leftovers! Many times I got my fill of grape juice and bread! And that bread, oh it's so good! It's great fun to think back to all the lock-in's and times that we played Sardines, and with the building have three levels in places, it was the perfect place to play! My favorite part of a Sunday morning service was the children's story and I can remember once when Naomi West led that time and was in the front of the church in plain clothes with a wheel barrel full of dirt and I think she planted something. One of the things that always has stayed with me were her hands and how much life those hands had experienced over the years. She was an amazing woman and it was neat to have the chance to grow up around her and hear her stories. I had my affirmation class in the old church before moving up the new church building where I was eventually baptized and that was special to. A way to connect the old with the new. Ah, so many memories and those memories are certainly a blessing to me!

I miss being in that building, I miss the times I had with my grandparents and family while I was there. I always think of my grandfather when I'm there and how much he meant to me. I'm a lucky girl and I have been extremely blessed with a family who has taken the time to care for me and raise me and encourage me along in whatever crazy thing I was interested in doing. You all have made it possible for me to be where I am today!

Not Too Shabby

2008-06-26T15:48:00.001-05:00

Well I survived my first week out in the field and then my few days back in the office before heading off again. The workcamp in New Windsor was AMAZING. I couldn't have asked for a better group. They were energetic (then again they were junior highers), they were thoughtful and asked a lot of questions, they did a ton of work and learned a lot from what the did! Yeah, I know what I said about the girls being super girly, but they didn't turn out to be so bad after all! I dunno, they all seemed to flock to me during the week, quite strange if you ask me! And the best quote came out of this week! One of the boys was talking to an advisor and said " I just don't understand why people would come here if they didn't want to work. I mean after all this is a workcamp, not a loooooove camp!"

Like I mentioned before (I think, I honestly can't remember!), I absolutely love going back to New Windsor and reconnecting with everyone. I think that was part of the greatness of the week as well. Being in Maryland and in New Windsor has become such a huge part of who I am and I love that the group was able to experience that place and I hope they have grown to love it and appreciate it as I have over the years.

My energy level was surprisingly high all throughout the week until Friday rolled around and then it simply disappeared and was no longer. Swimming two days in a row along with having shouting matches while playing Marco Polo is apparently very exhausting! Friday night we took the group into the Inner Harbor of Baltimore and that was a really great trip and it totally tired all of us out! It is always funny to watch the energy level of groups be really high in the beginning and then slow down as the week goes on. Saturday came before any of us were ready for it, well maybe I was, but I couldn't believe that it came so fast!

After all the kiddies left I was able to spend the weekend relaxing a bit in New Windsor and I stayed with some good friends of mine and was able to sit and relax and play and swim and just 'be' for a few days. Coming back I volunteered myself to go on a later flight because it was overbooked and I got a free round trip ticket to anywhere in the continental United States! Oh the possibilities are endless! I think I'm sensing a trip to Colorado coming in my near future! Woot woot!

It has been nice to be back in Elgin for these few days. I was able to come back in time to play some Ultimate Frisbee on Tuesday which is always a highlight of my week! I really enjoy playing and I've met some really awesome people while playing! I was really sad to tell them that I wouldn't be back until August but at the same time it was really funny to tell people where I would be. It's a fun thing to say, 'well, I'll be in Kentucky for two weeks, then a week in Virginia and week back here in Illinois (but I can't come and play), then a week in Maryland and a week in Florida and THEN a week in Colorado before coming back.' Then people always wonder what the heck it is that I do! So of course I enlighten them in the wonderful ways of workcamps! : )

Whelp, I think that's it for now! I head off to Neon, Kentucky early Saturday morning! I'll be in touch!

Fashion and Hair and Makeup, Oh My!

2008-06-17T22:10:00.000-05:00

Whelp, day one is over.

I can't believe that I'm here in New Windsor, responsible for 21 youth and advisors! I got into the area yesterday without any problems at all which was absolutely amazing and now here I am with one day under my belt. I can check it off my list of things accomplished! It is always so great to touch base with those here at the Service Center. I come back here and I really feel like I'm home! Donna and I have stayed busy making ourselves comfortable and becoming acclimated with our surrounds for the week and checking in with various people around New Windsor. I really believe that we are as prepared as we can possible be so now it's time to enjoy the week! And of course wait and see what random things come up that need to be taken care of!

We couldn't have asked for better weather for the week. The forecast is amazing. It's supposed to be mid 70's and not terribly humid and there shouldn't be too much, if any rain and that's exciting news! I've heard that the past few weeks here have been horribly humid and hot. It also beats the crazy weather that we've been having out west! I guess it's a good weather week for a lot of places! I think it's been really, really warm down south in New Orleans because I have another workcamp going on there this week as well. For the most part things are going really well down there too! There has been some problems with dehydration, but hopefully nothing too serious, but we shall wait and see.

With the group that I'm working with this week there are six boys and 12 girls in the group. It will be a challenging week for me in this sense because I am very much so a boy person. I relate better to boys. You all know me, I'm into sports and goofing off. When it comes to girls, especially girls who are really girlie, I don't do so well. This week there are a lot of girls who are into fashion and how they look and act and love to do hair and makeup and I don't know how to relate to that! Ahhh! Well I'm just going to have to figure out a way to relate and I know that I can do it but that it won't necessarily be easy.

And in all it's a great group and I'm excited to get to know them more this week and work with them and hang out with them. One thing that's hard about the New Windsor workcamp is that it is so short. I am constantly thinking about the schedule and running through what is coming up next and what I need to prepare for and before I know it I've run out of things to plan! New Windsor is a great place for youth to come who are going to a workcamp for the first time and wanting to slowly move away from being home. It's close enough to home for most of these youth and just long enough that it makes for a great time.

New Windsor itself is such a great place to be. Donna and I had a talk today over lunch (when we finally remembered to HAVE lunch) about the future of this place and honestly it doesn't look good. We brainstormed a bit about what could be done to rejuvenate this place and that's a tough question to address. What needs to happen is to make the younger generations appreciate this place and realize all the work that goes on here. Most of the groups who come here to work are older adults who know the history and the worth and the importance but I'm afraid that knowledge is going to die with the generation. If there was a way to have opportunities here that would draw the younger crowd like having a camp ground atmosphere or activities that were especially interesting to families and the younger generations that would be great. But then you get to wondering what would be interesting and appealing. And then if we did figure out something that might work, would we be willing to make the changes to find out for sure?

So then if people decide that those options are no good and we choose to sell it would it be possible to find a buyer who would be interested in purchasing the place and also preserve some aspects of the Center. And what is it that people are wanting to hold on to when it comes to the Center as a whole? Is it the memories and the history that this place holds? Or is it the actual structures? I'm sure these are some of the questions and thoughts that people have been having regarding this place for many years now.

I myself, have become emotionally attached to this place. I came here for the first time summer of 2005 through Ministry Summer Service and I fell in love with the Center. I've been coming back in various roles ever since. During that first summer I was involved with everything that went on here that I possible could. Everything from folding quilts to reading materials published by the Brethren Disaster Ministries, to working with the volunteers to leading youth groups in devotional servies and spending time with the Junior High Workcamp, to being a part of the Passing on the Gift celebration for the Seagoing Cowboys. That summer will stick with me forever. The following winter I went and served for three weeks doing Disaster Response work in Pensacola and the next summer I came back and worked in the material resources part of the Center. I have a deep love of this place and I admit that I would be sad if it was sold and we moved on to something else. But sometimes that is what needs to happen. There comes a time when you need to finish reading and re-reading the chapter you're on and move on to the next one.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to see this place rockin' and rollin' again but time will tell and the new chapter will unfold as it's supposed to. And for now, I will enjoy this place and share it's worth to these youth who have given their time and their talents this week to be here. The future will show itself when it's good and ready, and it usually starts with tomorrow!

So it Begins

2008-06-14T17:42:00.000-05:00

Well folks, I promised to keep you updated in my travels and adventures and experiences so here's the first of it. I really can't believe that it is already the middle of June and that I leave in a day for my first workcamp!

I have grown so much these past few months and if I could, I would try to explain it all here, but it simply isn't possible. I've learned to live in a house with up to six other volunteers all sharing one vehicle. I've learned how to live in a community with the same people that I work with every day and still manage to live peacefully...well most of the time : )
I've learned how to eat on $15 a week and live on $60 a month. I've learned that it's okay to put myself out there and meet new people and create a name for myself. I've learned that the weather here is crazy and that the winters never seem to end and then when they do, you have to watch out for tornadoes. I've learned and grown to love the Highland Avenue Church of the Brethren and I have made many amazing friendships there. I've learned that as much as I love my job that it is still very trying at times, but that in the end it is all worth it. I've learned that having a spiritual director is an amazingly powerful thing and a great blessing.

As I go forth into the many adventures this summer I find myself well prepared. I have been blessed through my experiences at the Bridgewater CoB, and the Westminster CoB and now the Highland Avenue CoB. I get weekly e-mail updates from Bridgewater which bring news of joy and of sorrow and I am grateful for those because they have kept me in touch with my extended family. I go into this summer knowing that there are many people praying for me and my work. People that I know and people that I have never met before. Prayer is a very powerful thing and it isn't something that I am really comfortable doing in a formal out loud way. But I am constantly having a conversation with God and I know that is a great thing. Here in the Youth and Young Adult Office, we come together once a week to have a time of worship and the office comes together on Wednesdays for a short time of worship as well. It is a great thing. We take turns leading and everyone does it a little bit differently. We'll have hymn sings or meditative times, or Taize singing, or short messages...basically anything and everything goes.

The latest service I led for the Y/YA Office focused on grace and what grace is. Grace is a word that we hear in our everyday lives because it is such a common word, but I had never taken the time to understand what it truly means. And, truth be told, I still don't really have a firm grasp on it, but I'm learning. I asked the five of us in the office to take some time and ponder of what it is that grace means to us and to listen and reflect on an instrumental version of Amazing Grace. After doing some thinking I came to realize that grace is an invitation. It is an act of kindness as well as a way to forgive and to show one's faith. Grace is a gift that God has given us. Grace is something that I will keep exploring throughout the summer as I work with these youth and learn from them and grow with them.

I know this has been a bit random, but I have a feeling they will be for awhile. My goal is to keep you all up to date on my adventures as well as to give you a feel for what my life has been like these past nine months. I feel that I am in a great part of my life. There are so many new things to come in the future and many things that have happened in the past to reflect on.

The concept of "the journey" has been a huge part of my life since I've moved here. The first time I met with my spiritual director, David, he told me that while he didn't have all the answers he was, and is, willing to accompany me in my journey. Hearing him say that meant a great deal to me nine months ago, and still means a great deal to me today. Here is an invitation for you to join me on the journey that I am on. I will gladly join you in your journey as well all move forward in these lives that we live.